Twitter Short Stories: The Islanders Get Destroyed by Carolina, 7-2

Last night, while my Islanders were getting their collective asses handed to them, I found a new hobby. Writing short stories on Twitter about the horrible pain caused by contemplating draft scenarios in November and watching the 5,000th Islander this season skate off the ice in pain. It’s fun and a nice release. For Islander fans, it hurts a lot less to laugh than to cry. And crying is only a precurser to jumping off bridges. So we laugh. There is a transcript of last night’s short story after the jump(and we’re still working on an apology for the awful post on Tuesday. It’s coming.).

(And fyi, you should read the following from bottom to top to get the full effect. I’m not at my usual computer and unable to paste this in a more time consuming/coherent fashion.)

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Schultz88 Kevin Schultz

However, on the inside he wishes they would have taken the patient out back and shot it. As do we all. Someone needs to end this game. 2/2

22 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

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Schultz88 Kevin Schultz

President is on the line now, thanking doctors for their hard work and succes in saving the patient. (1/2)

22 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

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Schultz88 Kevin Schultz

To be fair, a rocket scientist couldn’t have figured out how Gervais did it.

22 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

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Schultz88 Kevin Schultz

*doctors then have blank stares when asked how Bruno Gervais got on the scoresheet, let alone the ice*

22 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

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Schultz88 Kevin Schultz

*doctors shake hands, pat each other on back*

22 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

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Schultz88 Kevin Schultz

HOLY CRAP #ISLES SCORE, it’s 1-5. THEY MADE IT OUT OF CARDIAC ARREST EVERYBODY!