As the Blue Jackets’ California series is about to begin, now is the time to gather and prepare your readiness kits. Yes Columbus, the forecast for falling cliches is quite dire and seems all but certain to increase throughout the weekend. You can already see the early impacts now, rip tides starting to nip at the edges of your local sports pages and websites. There is still time to get ready, but you haven’t a moment to lose.
After you gather your canned goods, a supply of potable water, and fill your car’s gas tank, it’s time to meet with your family and discuss the ultimate plan. There is still time to evacuate, and if your place of residence sits in a low-lying area you should heed warnings as they arrive. If you choose to remain behind, please consider these safety tips as the rising surge approaches the city.
Finding Higher Ground: Should the Jackets Lose All Three
What happens if the “worst” occurs and the Blue Jackets lose all three games? It’ll be piled atop the loss to Ottawa and the outpouring of cliched doom is sure to touch even the most secure of locations. For your own protection, it is important to purchase a 2013-14 NHL Conference Final Kit. These are available at most NHL Megamarts and should still be fresh.
In this kit, you’ll find the 2013-14 Chicago Blackhawks, the 2013-14 Los Angeles Kings, the 2013-14 New York Rangers, and the 2013-14 Montreal Canadiens. You may note some bruising, but do not fret. All four teams experienced a 4 game (or longer) losing streak on their ledger while en route to their playoff Conference Final last season.
You will need to add a dose of rationality to this kit for full effect. Three of these teams managed sustained success on the back of 53%+ Fenwick Close performances over an entire year. It is your responsibility to keep a level head about a three game sample, and to remember that all three California teams are extremely good.
It will be easiest to survive the storm if any losses come in spite of solid CBJ play. You must remember: three games does not a season make.
Windproofing Your Home: Should the Jackets Win All or Most
The early development of the California storm will contribute to conditions later on. Should Columbus come out with 2 or more wins, it is extremely likely that dangerous wind gusts will develop. Our forecasts anticipate rushes of air around excessive back-patting and a constant whir from exhaling columnists.
Cliche wind damage may not require the life preservers found in the Conference Finals Kit. Equally dangerous, however, is the structural damage done in the form of unrealistic expectations. If there is still time (and room in your budget), we recommend a 2013-14 Toronto Kit to shore up your residence. These are still in heavy circulation thanks to their production in one of the industry’s leading author centers.
Consider the California Cliche storm that hit Toronto last year. From March 11 through March 16, the Maple Leafs took 4 of 6 points on a California trip. They sandwiched a loss to San Jose with wins over Anaheim and Los Angeles.
This led to some of the worst storm conditions in recent memory. Mike Brophy’s contribution was disastrous as he noted, “The Maple Leafs proved they can play with the big boys.” MLHS only added to the blowing wind, commenting after the LA win that, “These are important points that should be momentum/confidence builders going down the stretch and into the playoffs. Big victory.”
In your Toronto Kit, you’ll find three pieces of game information. These are statistical reports with data from the NHL and assembled by War On Ice. There’s one from each game (ANA, SJ, LA). Here, you’ll see the evidence of the low pressures generated by the Leafs. Set the emergency dial to 5v5 and Fenwick, and you’ll see a net California FF% of 31.7%. It’s a ghastly reminder of what was to follow.
"Stop! Stop! He's already dead!" #Leafs #tmltalk pic.twitter.com/MBKnGyDCRe
— Chemmy (@felixpotvin) April 9, 2014
It’s an upsetting lesson, but one that Columbus residents can use to guard for what comes next. Shore up your foundation by using clear thinking again. Remember that your neighbors may not be so well prepared. Reinforcements and repair supplies will be available soon, but do not simply accept a standing house at face value. Be cautious and sensible as you survey the cliche damage.
Review Your Plans Now
Let’s recap our important California Storm information so you can better prepare your family to survive the upcoming round of cliched reaction.
Keep your wits about you. Winning or losing a few games does not indicate the start of a trend. Use the Conference Final and Toronto Kits to protect yourself from the results-first attitude that will follow, especially so early in the season. Remember: three games against the league’s elite will be difficult and the fallout may not be rational.
By taking these steps now, you will not be caught unprepared when the cliches start washing ashore.
Stay safe, Columbus.
(Featured image of Hurricane Isabel courtesy Wikimeida and NASA public domain images)
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