The Cocktail Chronicles is a feature that runs whenever our esteemed editor sits down with a tasty companion in a glass and takes another look at some old favorites from his childhood.
Previous Cocktail Chronicles: Pernell Whitaker vs. Julio Cesar Chavez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPejZhE6cq0
[0:00:01-0:00:05]: Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a clip that had the intros, and that makes me very much :(. But alas, no Michael Angelo this time, and that makes me very much :). I know I harp on this a lot, but if Bowe is in the UFC, they’d say he’s “in the red and white shorts”. Tonight, however, he’s “wearing white trunks with red trim”. The UFC and Strikeforce were very good at mastering the “big fight” feel, but that still annoys the shit out of me. Bowe is the challenger and is 31-0. Holyfield, the undisputed Heavyweight Champion, is 28-0 and holds the WBC, WBA, and IBF Heavyweight Championships.
[0:00:06:-0:00:45]: Riddick looks very, very lean. He’s 235 for this fight, which, in retrospect, I mean, c’mon. The last time Riddick Bowe saw the number “235”, it was his airfare from quitting the Marines after three days. It should also be noted that Bowe has this title shot because Mike Tyson is currently incarcerated and Bowe is coming off a WBA eliminator over Pierre Coetzer, which is not unlike Frankie Edgar getting his title shot after defeating Matt Veach.
[0:00:46-0:01:55]: The champ looks lean and shredded. He weighed in at 205 for this fight, THE GALL-DARNED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD! 205! Evander seems a tad distracted, but I don’t blame him. It can’t be easy planning on where to put all 17 bathrooms in his mansion he’ll have shortly. As an aside, a 7-year old Luke is at Howard Johnson’s(see: Whitaker-Chavez) on a very cold, snowy, November night in PA, probably on the floor drinking canned orange juice, which is startling good. Seriously, why is canned OJ so damned good? I always loved the conference rooms when we’d watch fights. Much bigger space for me to try wrestling moves against the chairs when I was bored and unused conference room goodies.
[0:01:56-0:02:12]: And Teddy Atlas, of course, checking in. Teddy is proclaiming that Evander will try for quick combinations and show distance and quick footwork like he did against George Foreman and Buster Douglas against Bowe.. Oh, you mean someone 6’1″ 205 is going to try to stick and move and be more mobile than men who are 6’4″ 257, 6’4″ 247, and 6’5″ 235? Teddy Atlas, everyone. AND THERE’S THE BELL!
[0:02:13:-0:05:13]: George Foreman on color! I loved George on color, I’ll take him 14 days out of 10 over the Bobby Czyzs and Busters of the world. Bowe just TOWERS over Holyfield, but that’s nothing new for Evander. Regardless, it is troubling to see. Also troubling to see? How incredibly mobile Riddick is. Jesus, he was the Todd Marinovich of heavyweight boxing. 10-9 Holyfield. It got heated at the end, but Holyfield’s quickness and jabs were a huge positive for him. He landed much cleaner shots.
[0:05:14-0:09:13]: Holyfield’s corner telling him to double-jab him up in the chest? Is Evander an angry woman who pounds on Riddick’s chest in a Toni Braxton video? Lampley says that Bowe has never been asked to fight with such intensity, while Evander is used to being wars; “some say too many”. This is Nineteen goddamned Ninety-Two. It’s been over twenty years since Holyfield was in “too many wars” and he’s still fighting. Gahhhh. AND DAMNNN!! OFF OF A SHOT OFF THE CLINCH, HOLYFIELD AND BOWE ARE BRAWLING! Damn, that was entertaining. Foreman is, probably correctly, noting that Holyfield isn’t fighting a smart fight, as he’s fighting close and hard with a much bigger Bowe. Going 10-10 here. If this were MFC, 10-9.5 Holyfield. So, 20-19 Holyfield in an INCREDIBLE round.
[0:09:14-0:13:12]: They are SWINGING. Foreman says that at 235, Bowe might have cut too much weight because he doesn’t have the same zip on his punches. I can imagine Bowe heard him, because towards the end of his career, he was brought to weigh-ins by a pallet jack. Bowe landing some crispness. Bowe finally using his big size in the clinch. Throwing over the top, then working the uppercut. 10-9 Bowe. 29-29.
[0:13:13-0:14:16]: They are fighting hard and heavy in close. Lots of uppercuts and furious, heavy punching inside. Somewhere a young Brandon Rios is watching this and wondering why both fighters made weight. Also, “he’s blowing out there baby, suck it up!” is fantastic advice. I think?
[0:14:17-0:17:17]: Lou Duva has instructed referee Joe Cortez to watch for Bowe holding Holyfield behind the head. You heard them. Riddick Bowe: Muay Thai enthusiast. I’d think him more of a Pad Thai enthusiast, myself. The commentators remarking about the Bert Cooper fight that Holyfield had, and that Bowe is no Bert Cooper. I don’t see the need to bash Bert Cooper, he kept Don’s secret when he didn’t need to, could read people like a book, and was fiercely loyal to Ida Blankenship, Queen of Perversions. Anyway, regarding the fight, more of Bowe landing his jab over and over with Evander trying to throw a ton of mustard into his shots. Bowe with an epic hook to the sack to close the round. 10-9 Bowe. 39-38 Bowe.
[0:17:18-0:21:12]: Lederman has it 39-37 Bowe. Jay Mohr’s impression of Harold Lederman calling in his scores like he’s coming in hot on the Ho Chi Minh Trail is perfect and makes me laugh every time. Teddy has it even. Irwin has it 39-38 Bowe. Irwin is usually wrong. Slower, recovery-type round for both fighters. Lots of holding on both sides. Foreman suspects Bowe is coasting here, and I agree. He should have never listened to his head cornerman, Miesha Tate. “You can’t take a breather just standing there, you gotta take a breather with your left jab.” George is absolutely on fire right now. A flawless performance so far. Bowe took a sick day on that round. Holyfield didn’t do much, but he did more. 10-9 Holyfield. 48-48.
[0:21:13-0:25:20]: I would classify Lou Duva’s hair color as “titanium white” from Bob Ross’s collection. “The rule of thumb is, you never threw a left hook with a left hooker.” Foreman is landing 10-7 rounds with ease tonight. Lots of leaning this round, more action than last round, but it feels like both fighters are saving up for the late rounds. Bowe is throwing some questionable shots, but it’s hard to fault him when Holyfield’s trunks are up to his nipples. Both fighters landed a couple decent shots, but nothing drastic. 10-10. 58-58 after six rounds.
[0:25:21-0:29:23]: It just dawned on me that both Cocktail Chronicles have featured Lou Duva fighters. At this rate, I’ll be breaking down Bobby Czyz fights in a couple months. Please don’t make me break down Bobby Czyz fights. HUGE “Let’s go Bowe!” chants fill the arena. Teddy immediately throws a wet blanket on it by saying it was organized by Bowe’s manager. Teddy has no flare for the dramatic, dammit. Oh, yeah, the fight. Bowe is rocking Holyfield! Holyfield looks dazed! He looks like he looks in every day life today! Recovers, and starts to bounce, Bowe looks like he punched himself out, and Evander is bouncing. Bowe throws a beautiful 1-2 that lands flush. God, I love a good, crisp 1-2. So pretty. Dammit, Pavlik, get it together. Bowe faltered late and let Holyfield back in, but he did too much damage early. 10-9 Bowe. 68-67 Bowe.
[0:29:24-0:33:15]: I distinctly remember my dad and uncle being enormous Holyfield fans and not giving Bowe the time of day. After this fight, their tune both changed to “Damn, Bowe came to fight, I respect the hell outta that guy”. It was like a Rocky moment. Holyfield could maintain legal guardianship of his enswell at this point. PUNK MOVE ALERT! Bowe lands an uppercut as Cortez is seperating them. Bowe has done a number of shady dealings today, with Cortez merely giving him some stern looks. We’re nowhere near Russell Mora/Joseph Agbeko territory, but they now live in the same zip code. Holyfield is cut over his left eye now, and feels it, then immediately starts swinging hard. Either he’s pissed, or senses some urgency. Either way, he landing hard on Bowe! “Las Vegas is the worst place to get an open cut” states Big George. Huh? Was Vegas a leper colony in 1992? I think Foreman is wearing down in the later rounds. Workmanlike effort from Evander that round. Very blue-collar round. 10-9 Holyfield. 77-77.
[0:33:16-0:37:15]: Apparently Evander landed a thumb in the eye of Bowe, thus confirming my long-standing theory that Josh Koscheck was the lovechild of Evander Holyfield and Ric Flair. ROUND 9! Lederman, calling from a beach in Normandy, has it 77-75 Bowe. Holyfield just threw a triple-jab, only it went two to the head and one to the body. That was tasty. To be able to throw a triple jab over two locations in the ninth round of a grueling fight is pretty fantastic. Bowe had Holyfield on the ropes, but couldn’t land anything. Possibly because of his eye. Regardless, Bowe is a specimen right now. At his size and still moving and throwing like he is in the ninth round? Outstanding. Holyfield has clearly more left in the tank than Bowe, but Riddick is still doing worlds better than most heavyweights would in his situation. 10-9 Holyfield. 87-86 Holyfield.
[0:37:16-0:41:16]: Duva is just giving it to Cortez. HOLY SHIT BOWE IS THROWING! Well, he’s awake now! HOLYFIELD IS WOBBLING! BOWE THREW A SUPERMAN PUNCH! HOLY SHIT!! How the hell did Evander not go down? I can’t believe he stayed up. He should have been sniffing canvas. Wow. Now he’s bouncing and throwing! Bowe is gassed! Punched-out! NOW HERE COMES HOLYFIELD! UPPERCUT! UPPERCUT! JAB! HOOK! Bowe back to the jab, which he abandoned about six rounds ago. NOW HOLYFIED THROWING HARD! BELL RINGS AND THEY’RE STILL THROWING!! WHAT A GOD BLESSED ROUND! WHAT. A. ROUND!! Whew, whew. I still think Bowe did enough damage early to squeak out a round. 10-9 Bowe. 96-96.
[0:41:17-0:45:20]: (breathes into paper bag) I remember that round very vividly, because I thought both my dad and uncle might try to throw a hook at the TV. Even as a youth, I recognized awesome and was jumping around too. Fun Fact: Holyfield has spent more time with his enswell tonight than 82% of his children. This is officially the longest fight Bowe has been in. BOWE LANDS A HOOK! Holyfield wobbly! Walking to nowhere! LOSES HIS MOUTHGUARD AND WOBBLES INTO THE ROPES! BOWE LANDS AND HOLYFIELD CLINGS TO THE ROPES AND IS DOWN! KNOCKDOWN BOWE!! Second time in his career he’s been knocked down! Cortez checks on him, thinks he’s good to go and leads him out. Bowe is pouring it on right now. George says Bowe is a puncher, but not a finisher. So he’s Michael Bisping? Now Holyfield is walking Bowe to the ropes and is bouncing again! Jesus, Holyfield still looks fresh. Foreman is spouting off inspirational poster quotes, and I’m still buying in. I want George to narrate my day-to-day life. “When you think that you can’t publish one more picture of one of your writers drinking water on fight nights, you’ve gotta press on!”. Holyfield still punching, but nothing to change the result of the round. 10-8 Bowe. 106-104 Bowe.
[0:45:21-0:49:50]: Lederman actually sounds like he’s watching the bomb drop on him in Nagasaki while he gives his score, 107-101 Bowe. Man, he sounded harried. “You never know what these judges are going to do, it’s like a beauty contest!”, George is hanging on, but he’s just about done. They go out throwing. What a tremendous fight. 10-9 Holyfield. FINAL SCORECARD: 115-114 Riddick Bowe.
[0:49:51-0:50:45]: And because, of course, there’s a brawl in Bowe’s corner, with someone in his posse throwing a punch on somebody. HBO quickly cuts away to fight highlights. Oh, don’t you worry, Team Bowe, you’ll have your opportunity to beat on a hapless boob soon enough…
[0:50:46-0:51:00]: “What the disturbance, Larry?” “…………” “ALRIGHT, as we go to…”. R.I.P. Larry. He fought the good fight.
[0:51:01-0:54:03]: And we go to the judges scorecards. Chuck Giampa has it 115-112, Jerry Roth has it 117-110, Dalby Shirley has it 117-110, and Luke Irwin hazily has it 115-114, all for the winner by unanimous decision….AND NEW!! RIDDICK BOWWEEEE. Bowe is jumping and is happy as hell. Bowe kisses a small, Jewish man, a woman screams uncontrollably, men in dishiki hats jump around, BOXING! Riddick is gracious and humble towards Evander, and the former champ is a good sport. Bowe is showered with titles. They break down the punch stats, Bowe really did land a ton with his jab. Damn.
[0:54:04-0:54:41]: OH SHIT IT’S LENNOX!! BOWE IS IN A STAREDOWN WITH LENNOX! Lennox was doing commentary for (what I imagine) would be the UK broadcast, and Riddick says he’s not scared of him. Nice shit-talking back and forth. They met in the 1988 Olympics, with Lennox getting a R2 TKO that Bowe told him was an assist from the ref. They never did fight professionally, which was probably good news for Bowe. Lennox would have tuned him up something nasty.
[0:54:42-0:57:40]: The HBO graphics show, in so many words, that, yes, Riddick is a very young champ. Lampley is ringside with Bowe! Riddick is coming across very sharp, respectful, and articulate. This can’t be the same Riddick we saw later, right? They replaced him like they did Paul McCartney, right? “Yes, indeed”, “perhaps”…from Riddick? Lampley says that maybe Riddick wants a shot at George, who’s nearby, Riddick playfully jabs George, George says he wants to celebrate with Riddick with a burger and ice cream, Riddick asks permission from George to rub and kiss his head. THIS IS AWESOME!
[0:57:41-1:02:40]: Of course they send Larry Merchant to Jim Nantz duty in the loser’s locker room. Jeez, Evander looks BAD. His face is not of human form. Somehow his hairine respembles a mountain range, and he congratulates Reddit Bowe. Seriously, I can’t watch any more of Evander, I’m fast-forwarding.
[1:02:41-1:03:43]: Lennox Lewis is here, he’s speaking in the third-person and he looks like the lost member of Boyz II Men. Great fight, great night, and this rekindled lots of memories from that night at the HoJo’s! Thanks for reading and reminscing with me!
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