Guys, are you not quite sure what to get the man that beat you after Viking losses for 18 straight years? Girls, are you at a loss of what to pick out for a man that inappropriately touched you when the lights went out after a Vikings win? Fear not, because this Father’s Day every fan can provide a smile on the face of their greatest Oedipus enemy by shopping for a gift at the Vikings.com online store!
Just look at the smile that creeps across the old man’s weather beaten face as he forlornly grips the laces on his old football, remembering glory years that he should have forgotten decades ago. Marvel at the awkwardness of him wearing a modern purple jersey adorned with a young adults name and number on it. Stand proud as you watch him drunkenly pass out in an inflatable blow up chair in a filthy living room apartment that he just moved into after leaving your saintly mother during a midlife crisis. For all ages and temperaments, Vikings.com has the perfect gift!
Have a traditional, country club father that frequently neglected you as a child and refuses to change colors after you’ve worked your whole life to make him proud of you? How about a horribly overpriced golf bag that looks no different from any other golf bag, except for small and obscure Vikings logo on the side. Priceless! Or is your dad a bit more cutting edge, as in he commonly threatened your boyfriends with a knife when they’d pick you up for prom? He sure would appreciate an ungainly hat to wear to his dart club meetings in central Wisconsin! But maybe your dad is like every other father in corporate America, wasting away behind a computer screen filling out expense reports and selling bland items to unappreciative customers, never receiving the pay that he felt he was worth, consistently masturbating to Sears’ catalogues, and mindlessly watching worthless sitcoms on Thursday nights, hatefully nursing a light beer, as your mother sits just within visual range silently cursing her own soul for not agreeing to marry that Puerto Rican pool boy when she had the chance to live a much more invigorating life. A dazzling Vikings tie is just the thing to add that spark to his work week!
So what are you waiting for kids? Get a jump on this years Father’s Day shopping by visiting Vikings.com and clicking the “Store” link to access your one-stop shopping location that will undoubtedly put a smile on dad’s face in 2009!
Skol Vikes!
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