What is this? A weekend without Vikings football? GOD DAMMIT. What are we supposed to do now? Well, I’ll tell you one thing, we can open that wound that has been festering disgustingly since Sunday again and take a look back on a season that gave you Super Bowl blue balls. Why would we do that? I don’t know. We like to talk about football here, don’t we? Good enough for me. Today, we start PJD’s season recap by tabulating the season’s Mushroom Stamp of Approval and Disapproval winners (including the pre and post season!) and find out who comes out on top … besides your mother, I mean. Essentially, who was the most impressive Vikings this season? Only one way to find out … by having me tell you in an arbitrary fashion! Hurray! Let’s get to this then …
As a refresher course for those of you that maybe joined this sexy party train late in the season, we here at Purple Jesus Diaries have handed out our most prestigious award every week after a game day – pre season, regular season, and post season, believe it or not – to the Vikings player that took our breath away on game day. This could have been because of an amazing offensive play, large stat production, unflappability in the face of pressure, hard nosed defensive football, quick feet, or a huge dong. Whatever the reason, each week there was some player that deserved special notoriety and by God, we were going to give it to them. As you can see from our poorly constructed highly advanced Excel Spreadsheet, several things stand out about this year’s award recipients. For more detailed notes and recap of this Mushroom Stamps, keep reading after the jump.
– Percy Harvin was quite obviously the most impressive player this year, or at least the one Vikings player that you couldn’t ever really blame a loss on. Truthfully, what he did this season, as a pot smoking rookie with debilitating migraines, was pretty impressive. He stole the show twice and received two MSA awards as proof. Good for him. Just think about how butch he’s going to be next season catching bullet passes from TarVar?! FUCK YEAH! But really, he’s the biggest winner of all the winners, and is named PJD’s 2009 Mushroom Stamp of Approval winner for his great year. And guess what? This stamp is EXTRA poopy, and ESPECIALLY sloppy. Just for you, big fella.
– I honestly thought that Squid Rice had received more MSAs, but in going back through the posts I found that he only had that one. I don’t know why. He had several killer games and really broke through this season. He was probably deserving of the award against Dallas in the playoff games, but since Ray Edwards decided to have a career game that day, I kind of had to default to him. No biggie though, as I’m sure Squid’s career is going to FAR overshadow Ray’s. Hate to say it, but it’s true. And Ray like broke his leg or something in that game, but I wasn’t really paying attention.
– There are noticeably some people on there that obviously weren’t Vikings, like Steve Hauschka (who is now homeless) and Michael Adams, who just ended the Packers season. Both were worth giving a special MSA award to though, as Hauschka saved Childress’ ass in that Raven’s game by totally botching an easy field goal before having kickers miss was even fashionable this season. Also, any time the Packers lose, and epically, is worth some type of notice. Adams made sure that happened. Also, the Vikings were on the bye week so I had to find someone to give it to besides your dad. The mushroom stamp, I mean. This is also why you see Zygi Wilf on there, although I remember I reneged on said stamp. This is because it was originally offered for him NOT giving an extension to Childress during the bye week, but then he just said fuck and did it anyway like a week later. Retard. LOOK WHERE WE’RE AT WITH THIS SHIT NOW, YOU MONEY GRUBBER!
– What the fuck are Sage Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson doing as MSA award winners? I was surprised, and largely embarrassed, to see this upon review. But going back in our posts we were reminded that Sage and TarVar actually had a couple of decent preseason games that got my rocks hard way before that Land Baron showed up. In fact, in that first Colts preseason game, I almost shit m pants because Sage was playing out of his god damn mind for like six minutes. I thought we really had a quarterback! … and then he became the third stringer. Silly preseason.
– Brett Favre was obviously a polarizing figure this year, and his number of MSAs and MSDs show what everyone already knew about Favre; he’d either make you or break you. He’s done this throughout his entire land whoring career, and this year was no different. Sure, great, you had a career best completion percentage, one of your lowest totals in interceptions, and on and on and on. But you still lost us two games because you decided to look like a prick face and quite honestly, if Adrian Peterson decided not to clip his own angel wins Favre would have ended up with three MSDs and been in the negative. THIS IS A WARNING TO YOU, OLD MAN. STAY AWAY FROM MY TEAM!
– Bryant McKinnie is obviously the worst human ever, since he’s the only player that ended up in the negative. Although, this isn’t terribly surprising since he’s like the only person left from when this team use to shove double donged dildos in stripper butt holes. So maybe this isn’t a surprise.
So there you have it. This year Percy Harvin is PJD’s 2009 Mushroom Stamp of Approval winner and Bryant McKinnie is just an asshole. Learn anything you didn’t already know? Ha, didn’t think so. Leave your takes on the players who were the makers or breakers of this season in the comments. Enjoy the … Pro Bowl? Kidding.
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