Fantasy Dreams – PJD’s Fantasy League Week Six Update

Ever since I screwed the pooch on Sunday night and messed up my posting of the game recap by not saving my work before accidentally hitting a back button, I’ve been all out of sorts with my postings this week. Because of this, I deeply, deeply, DEEPLY, DEEPER YOU BITCH, apologize for not getting this riveting PJD Fantasy Football weekly review up. But this week was pretty awesome, and I didn’t want to just skip it because I wanted to bitch about grad school, family birthdays, contracted work, professional work, late games, days of travel, and lots and lots of touching myself. So here we are, your weekly fantasy review. Here’s a hint: I WIN AGAIN!

Regarding the barn burners: There were a ball-cupping hand full of good games this past week. We start by looking at Crocs and Cheeseheads. While the Monday night game was full of Jacksonville looking like they don’t deserve an NFL team on a prime time stage, there were some fantasy players worth watching that night for these two squads. Crocs went into the night with a tender 13 point lead while he had MJD running Monday night and Cheesy had CJ28 going. MJD probably averages 8 points in our league a week, and Johnson can maybe push that or a bit more. Crocs still won, which he needed to hold on to his division lead, but he sweat it out his butt hole as MJD screwed the pooch and Chris Johnson looked like a damn all star. I would have soiled myself, like the non-existent Rose Gardeners probably did as they were going into Sunday night’s Washington-Colts game with a soft one point lead, and an opportunity to win his second game of the year. You’d be right back in it, bro!! Unfortunately for him, Visanthe had that reliable white guy Dallas Clark catch just enough passes for just enough yards to pull out ………… a one point win, keeping him the undisputed leader of his division and the Gardeners just another example of fantasy fodder for me to penetrate next time we play.

Contenders, pretenders, and The Rose Gardeners: This week went a long way in deciding just how shitty Cheesy and Rose are. Both have only one win, and neither of their win is in their division. I think at this point we’re half way through the season, so the chances of them coming back and even sneaking into the playoff spots is slim to none. In other words HAHAHAH FUCKOS!! I DON’T HAVE TO BYE YOU A T-SHIRT!!! Ahem. In other news, it seems only like a week ago when Ass Virginity was sitting on top of the division, acting all smug and pompous like he just titty fucked Adriana Lima in her $2 Million bra. In quick work, he’s fallen on his back quicker than Feisty Finger after a Long Island. Speaking of, look who’s mighty reign has her falling! Two weeks ago Feisty was also sitting atop the Labias (fitting), yet now she finds herself sandwiched between two sets of men in some type of perverted, stereoscopic Eiffel Tower sex act. Note: she’s not complaining, but I probably am weeping somewhere in a corner since I’m furthest away from her. That’s because I’m 3-0 in the division and Percy, a close second in total points, is 2-1. Me rikey.

Ooo! The Vikings scored 21 points! Little Percy Harvin has turned into a decent fantasy option the last couple of weeks, and honestly, in my rube colored glasses, I only see him getting better as this offense starts to click more. This is assuming as well that Favre DOESN’T get better, but at least remains status quo of only half probable turn over machine that he really is. Harvin has these underneath routes on lock down, and as he showed in New York, can be very productive there. Throw in a couple more returns and he’s looking bonerific. On the other side of this coin is Visanthe Shiancoe, who has looked like a flaccid locker room dong if I’ve ever seen one, and YES I HAVE! ……….. Uh, but he had a touchdown in the first game and then hasn’t been seen since. Sure, he’s had a hamstring issues and has fallen to like, what … the 12th option on offense since Moss has been traded? I don’t think that’s a good enough excuse. You know Shiancoe is open on all these plays, but Favre forgets his bifocals on the sidelines and is totally far sighted. That’s why he can still throw the deep ball. Truthfully, I don’t even know if this is how nearsighted and farsighted works, and I’m too fucking lazy to Google it. Get over it. And Shanko, pick your shit up, ass face.

The match-up of a lifetime: I’m pretty stoked for this upcoming week. Finally, my team and Feisty get to face off. Sure, this match-up looked a lot more exciting when we were both 4-0, but then she decided to start losing and yawning her way to the finish line and now it just looks like the Jets playing the Vikings. It’ll probably be fun, but the outcome will never be in doubt. By that, of course, I mean Feisty is going to win, and by saying that I am totally jinxing her. Sucker. By the way, lady, if you want to do a bet around this I am open to it. Maybe get you some Caribou coffee up at Har-Mar since I know you like that so much? Am I stalking you? ….. Maybe. In other games, Percy and Visanthe look to get this division a bit tighter if Visanthe can win, and Parole Models is looking for an easy Cheesy victory to solidify her spot as the second best Choad Licking Felon. Because Croc is clearly the best.

Should be good stuff. I encourage all participants to vote on the games each week and continue the weak ass smack talking you’ve been doing, because it’s hilarious. For today, I’ll leave all our readers with this example of terrible, terrible, shit talkings between Visanthe and Rose.

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