“Hey fans! Has your hat collection been looking a bit … DRAB lately? Need to spice it up with some pizazz, action and indifference? Than pick up this year’s 2011 NFL Minnesota Vikings Reebok Official Draft Hat of the Skol Squad from Minneapolis Head Wear! It’s black, and will look FANTASTIC with a ring of white snow around it! What, you don’t recognize this famous hat? Why, it’s the SAME ONE that the Vikings 2011 NFL Draft pick wore when he was selected … at number 12 … in the first round … but never came up on stage because he thought he wouldn’t go until the second or third … so you never got to see him wear it, shake hands with the commissioner, and take pictures with it on ….. Uh ….”
“But wait, that’s not all!”
“This hat is made from one-of-a-kind recycled tampons to comply with the Vikings organization to ‘Go Green and Red.’ It’s also made locally here in South Korea America, carefully sewn by retired American flag crafters. IN fact, widowed Ms. Julip hand crafted this one herself from pieces of stars and stripes and her dead husbands funeral tuxedo! Er … Well, no, I mean, it was made in China by kids with tiny dexterous hands who are practically American anyway in this now global society, BUT! … We sent it to Ms. Julip for inspection first anyway … even though she’s blind and on a respirator.”
“Become enticed with this unique design. Notice the small intricacies and details only found on 31 other hats worn by every other NFL draft pick and team in the league, but still really, really, really personal to the Vikings. OOOOO!! ARE THOSE HORNS RIDING THE SIDE OF THE HAT’S BILL?? THAT’S TOTALLY VIKINGS! If you think it’s actually a boomerang, well, buddy, we got some news for you! … You’re right … We, uh … don’t actually know how that got on there. But, but notice the purple spires rising just inside of the horns! Does it look a little strange, a little foreign, maybe even a little futuristic? Yes! That’s because it’s made to resemble goal posts, something Vikings fans haven’t seen in years nor are likely to see any time in the near future! Get a good look now, and you can start driving this bandwagon first!”
“And of course, who can forget the Norse God Viktor, placed regally on the front of the hat in an asymmetrical way that only football logos and helmets can look which then totally ruin a good baseball cap, which always then leads me to think why we are making and marketing a baseball cap for a football team and football fans, particularly ones who play their games indoors all of the time and wouldn’t even need a hat bill to cover their eyes from the blinding sun which never actually shows anyway because they’re always faced with cloud cover during snow storms …. But … uh, no, you should really buy this hate.”
“All this and many more perks (like anonymity from your friends, face punches, ridicule from hockey fans, etc.) can be yours today if you order from the Vikings.com store! Black not really your color? Maybe consider this other hat that’s ALMOST as cool, ONLY from Vikings.com (and every other NFL team store)!”
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