Could Squid Go Black?

Or are the Bears’ colors actually like a really dark navy blue? Blue and orange? Blue like the Cubs? Or black like the White Sox? Black Sox? That town is becoming dumb as shit by the minute.

Regardless, there is some speculation this week that potential pending free agent Wid Receiver Squid Fried Rice may end up with the Chicago Bears once the lock-out dealio finishes and teams can start exploring free agent opportunities. Information like this? I DO NOT LIKE.

Squid makes a ton of sense for a (shitty) team like Chicago. Their best receiver is … what, Earl Bennet? Ashamoogoo or some shit? A corner back in Devin Hester, you damn one trick pony? Squid would instantly elevate that teams’ passing game to new heights, despite the ineptness surrounding him. I still think their running backs are shit, Greg Olson is fine, and we all know how much face Cutler sucks. Also, we also know what happens to good-to-mediocre football players once they get married (unless your name is Tom Brady): You become a huge pussy, which, in Cutler’s case, he can’t afford to have happen. Any more than it already has, of course.

But that’s just the thing. People want to harp here and there on Squid talking about how before Silver Balls showed up in purple, Rice was just another run-of-the-mill receiver. And hey, it IS a legitimate argument to some degree. In his second year he had a total of 141 receiving yards. …. I don’t remember at all if that was an injury season or not, but I didn’t think it was. Until Favre showed up, Rice was only seen as a red-zone threat. ONCE Favre showed up, he was WAY more than that.

His 2009 season was admittedly fantastic. 83 receptions, 1,300+ yards receiving, 8 touchdowns. Probably a Pro-Bowler, but I don’t remember and no one cares because being a Pro-Bowler doesn’t mean anything unless your name is Purple Jesus. But then Rice got hurt, had surgery, had his smuggy agent Drew Rosencock position him to get more money, and he had an injury shortened 2010 season which prevented all of us from determining whether Rice’s third year was an aberration (like this one sexy picture of Jennifer Love Chewitt) or if he has the ability to be as consistently testicle numbing as Christie Brinkley. Seriously. That sex pot is like 52 years old. Outstanding.

But here’s the thing. He showed me enough. He came back mid-way (almost two thirds of the way) through a season that was already shot to hell. No one was trying, let alone that harasser Favre, to win games at that point. Squid had to put up with catching passes from TarVar, Joe Webb, and probably Patrick Ramsey and Rhett Bomar in practice. How do you think you’d end up performing? Probably as well as you do in bed, chump. And yet it was still his second best season of four. This injury shortened season was his second highest in receptions per game and total receptions, with his yards per receptions being the highest of his career, which doesn’t really count because from what I can remember from the blacked out 2010 season is that the team probably had to throw the ball far a lot. Boo.

Point being, what I saw when Squid came back was the same receiver I saw before the surgery; a dominant, catch anything, potential number one guy that likely will deserve the money he ends up receiving. It’s likely unfair to say, but I see a little bit of Fitzy Jr. in Squid too, and of course everyone knows a team would be crazy to give up #11.

Can the Vikings sign him back? Are they WILLING to sign him back? What are their other options? Plastic Burress? Not likely. Without Squid you’re likely left with Harvin and then a bunch of nobodies. …. Hank Baskett? Jesus. Better call those two tight end sets all day long. Regardless, seeing him play for the Bears would be a nice salt lick into the open wound as well. He’d end up with the ability to make Cutlersulk look competent again, which is just … mind blowing. However it ends up, I think we all agree that the team would be way better off WITH Rice than without, largely because it’s a very tasty grain to have at dinner time. Put some chicken over it, maybe stir it in a stew, it’s delicious.

…. and yes, that’s how we’re ending this post.