IN YOUR FACE, NAYSAYERS!
We have found it! We did it! Putting a man on the moon? Cakewalk! Ending the Cold War? Rubbish! Mapping the human genome? Boring! We finally tracked down some ground breaking, Earth shattering news that is going to flip your life upside down, Ponder haters, because finally, a reputable news source has legitimately ranked Christian Ponder as their 4th best quarterback in the NFL in 2013! BOOM! GAME, BLOUSES, HI HATERS.
So … So, what's the news source? I feel like we should figure that out first.
| With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. We begin with a helpful guide to the league’s best quarterbacks. |
Ah shit. This isn't going to be good.
| 4: Christian Ponder: With an amazingly powerful arm, great vision, stunning accuracy, and countless dominant performances during big games, the Vikings quarterback has already proven that fact-checking has really gone downhill in this country. |
Look, we tried, OK? I really tried. I tried to track down an article (that wasn't from team-sanctioned Vikings.com blog) that would give Ponder his comeuppance. I ended up with this; a several weeks old article from a fake news source. That is the CLOSEST I could get to an article that not only went above and beyond talking about how good Ponder is, but even just showed him some basic respect. A fake news source. Of course, I only looked at like two options, but here we are.
And I tried to like Ponder, to keep the dream of "untapped potential" alive for myself. But I couldn't do that either. I'm on board with people who say he needs more games, he needs to play AT LEAST half this year to determine whether he's the future for us or not. I have no problem with that. But I say that because I expect by our eighth game the Vikings will be as relevant as my crap ass playoff team, and the entire Vikings team will be tanking for a first round quarterback. Time to come up with a rhyming draft focus!
Dammit … This is so depressing. PROVE ME WRONG, PONDER, DEAR GOD PLEASE.
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