So, as you MAYBE heard on Tuesday, Adrian Peterson enters a no contest plea in his charges about child abuse, and honestly, I don’t know what any of that means. I guess it means he avoids jail time, but I think it also means that “officially” his legal papers don’t mention anything about child abuse, and we pretend like it didn’t happen.
Apparently he’s now facing a guilt of two years (that means something in legalese as well, to hell if I know), as well as facing a $4,000 fine and serving 80 hours of community service. Which is hilarious, right? $4,000 dollars and community service, which he was probably going to be doing anyway? That’s some Adrian Peterson style discipline right there, am I right?!
Anyway, as I’ve always said, I’m not particularly well suited to handle any moral issues on this blog. Not when you make tongue-in-cheek racial jokes, penis euphemisms, and yell at paid athletes to stop being fuck wads. Who am I to pass any judgment on Peterson? And frankly, how I – or you – feel about Peterson at this point is pretty irrelevant. Peterson’s future hinges on whether or not the Red Headed Jerk Face NFL commissioner will reinstate him off of his commissioner list, and THEN it would fall on the Vikings to stop being pussies about things and bring Peterson back on the team.
Would they? I doubt it, because – again – they are all huge wieners. But, if they do, it sounds like most of the Vikings teammates would welcome him back. And really, that’s not that far fetched. I mean, teammates welcomed Ray Lewis back, and he fucking murdered a guy. I think Peterson will be playing again.
Either way, I can’t wait until it’s approved and newspapers and blogs get to write their “hot sports takes” headlines. I hope I see some of the following:
1. “Peterson ready to get back to beating his opponents.”
2. With emergence of McKinnon, Peterson ready for switch at running back.”
3. “Vikings welcome back Peterson, prep to pound opponents.”
4. “Peterson shows discipline while waiting for return to team.”
5. “Peterson ready to stick it to Packers.”
6. “Amidst no plea questions, Peterson refuses to lash out against reporters.”
Am I missing any? Let’s hear them in the comments.
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