In week 10 of the NFL season, the Minnesota Vikings had a bye week. That means, they didn’t play that week. You know what I did? I woke up early, was outside by like 10:00 AM, did a bunch of yard work, cleaning out my gutters for the impending snow storm that hit, raked a bunch of leaves, tossed out the Halloween pumpkins, then sat down to a nice lunch at like 12:45 PM, uninterrupted, and enjoyed the rest of my day. It was god damn glorious.
Why?
Because I didn’t have to suffer through another fucking Minnesota Vikings embarrassment. Because that’s what I did yesterday, and IT WAS FUCKING AWFUL.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. Despite the entire team having basically two weeks to prepare for a Bears team that – let this fact be very clear with you – IS WORSE THAN THE VIKINGS ARE, the Vikings and the coaching staff came out and decided to play this game like they were more interested in sucking watermelon’s through a butt hole than they were in trying to win this game. If you are a REAL Vikings fan, not some delusional apologist that rags on “fake” Vikings fans who don’t knob slobber every team move, then you knew a loss on Sunday was basically inevitable. Really, best case scenario was running through your head of “Maybe the Vikings could win? But probably not. Definitely not. Yeah, they won’t. Oh well.” And then you’d call it a day.
See, that’s what I ended up doing on Sunday, and it was amazing! I cleaned the house again until about 12:45 PM, then answered some work emails in front of the TV while the Vikings went up 10-0, and continued to do some more work until they went down 14-10, then basically said, “Meh” and called it a day. What did I miss? A field goal and another defensive breakdown for a touchdown? A “4th Quarter Comeback” drive that went awry with a classic interception? I could have written that novel for you, son. I didn’t need to watch that. Instead, I got my Sunday’s back! It was amazing.
So now you’re probably asking yourself, “Well if this asshole didn’t even watch the game, why am I bothering reading a game recap from him?” I don’t know either. My guess is that you’re here because you’re not some delusional fuck face that thinks the Vikings can win every single game. If that’s the case, congrats, we can be bros. If that’s not the case, you are the worst kind of Vikings fan.
But I guess if we really want to talk football, here are some more ridiculous gems of shit that came out of this game:
– Marc Trestman is a really bad NFL coach, and if you lose to him, that makes you look really bad. I don’t think Mike Zimmer is bad, but the offense is definitely bad. Ergo, Norv Turner fucking sucks.
– I’m understanding why Norv continues to get fired all the time, too. How about you design a play on third down where your receivers run past the line of scrimmage? What the fuck is that.
– Teddy Bridgewater isn’t making any friends, either. He’s looking absolutely Ponder-esque out there with his pocket presence and ability to burn through reads. Not with his throwing motion though. Damn, dat throwing motion. When he knows where he’s going with it, that rope is harder than a pent up virgin explosion.
– Andrew Sendejo was your leading rusher for the day. Please bring back Adrian Peterson, thanks.
– Adrian Peterson also basically told the NFL to go fuck itself on Sunday. I totally agree with him.
– Cordarrelle Patterson will not start again on my fantasy team this year, I promise you that.
– I want to be mad at Josh Robinson, but what was he supposed to do? He had decent coverage on Alshon Jeffery pretty much all the time. He’s just fucking short. Safety help? I don’t know, but a man can only do so much.
That’s about it for now. This was a totally winnable game and the this loss is on a coaching staff that was too stupid to beat out Marc Trestman. But, mainly, on Norv. So that’s fun.
Add The Sports Daily to your Google News Feed!
