This weekend on March 22nd is the NFL’s first “Veteran Combine“, an event that basically will make veteran NFL players feel like second class citizens fighting for their livelihood after poorly managed NFL franchise with terrible coaches likely ran their careers into the ground. So now, potentially decent players have to go through a horse-and-pony show in order to convince current coaches that they weren’t to blame (at least not solely) for their poor career performance thus far.
As you’d probably expect with a combine full of underachieving NFL players, there are some Vikings connections here. Some players that had spent time playing under Leslie Frazier are attending the combine, probably in an effort to clear their name. Can you blame them? The fact that Harrison Smith made it out of that regime with his dignity is a testament to how amazing he is.
But as other NFL fans are checking out these players, I thought I’d dive in and give a recap of why – or why not – you may want some former Vikings veterans on your team.
Brandon Burton:
Originally a 5th round selection by the Vikings in the 2011 NFL draft, Burton was a cornerback out of a good Utah team that was tagged to help a flailing Vikings secondary. Clearly, that never worked out as the defense only got WORSE somehow from 2011 – 2013. Burton has good size and had the potential to be a solid corner in the NFL. At six feet and 185 pounds, he should be able to hold his own against most NFL receivers. His 40-yard dash time was never great (4.5 seconds), with the right coaching he probably could have made an impact on an NFL team. Burton never saw that opportunity with the Vikings though, as he was stuck behind hard hitters like Cedric Griffin, Chris Cook, and dastardly Marcus Sherels.
At 26 years of age, he is still young enough to possibly make an impact for a team if he can latch on after the NFL Veteran Combine this weekend.
Kip Edwards:
Who the fuck is this guy. Kip Edwards? He was a Viking? He apparently is also a cornerback that couldn’t beat out Marcus Sherels for a roster spot, and was also only on the team as a practice squad member for five weeks in 2013. Is this some kind of joke? Was he placed on the practice squad by some secret society fishing for Norseman secrets? Is he a member of Hydra or something? Why did we ever approve a background check on someone named “Kip”? Somebody better get fired for this.
Lestar Jean:
Lester Jean, second cousin to famous musical muse the “Jean Genie”, likes to wear Dockers over Wranglers. He prefers a deep U-crotch seam, as he otherwise feels that a smaller V-seam pinches his scrotum. From time to time. His first name is also “Lestar”, which translates roughly to “The Sun” in French. He’s a wide receiver, and was signed by the Vikings as an undrafted free agent after last year’s draft, before being cut because of injury. His injury? Burning out the retina’s of Norv Turner when he dared to look directly at “The Sun.” He plays football. I guess. I know nothing about him.
Julian Posey:
Julian Posey is probably not related to Parker Posey, but I bet he wishes that he was. However, if he was, he would probably be dangerously close to an incestual temptation, and no one wants that. As is, he’s safe because he’s probably not related to her. He’s also a cornerback. He was in Cleveland for a while before coming to Minnesota, so basically he’s like the exact opposite of Kevin Love for us.
Rakim Cox:
Are we just making up names now? “Cox” was a defensive end who “loved” to fill gaps in the running game, and has a knack for “bury men” deep under a pile. Or he would, if he would if he had ever saw the field for the Vikings. He was cut last August so we could sign Chris Crocker, which totally worked out well for us.
Anyway, best of luck to these guys, and to all the veterans. I’m sure this will totally be worth it for you. Thanks for making the veterans proud, Matt Birk!
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