Faced With an Entire Grove of Lemons, Longball Tries to Serve Up a Vat of Lemon Aid.

That, Cougar nation, is Gladys the cat showing her disgust as Amieable and I play a board game called Sink The Titanic. Discovered deep in Papa Longball’s closet, Sink the Titanic is a relic from the 1970’s, a magical era not burdened by political correctness, or good taste. It is also an apt metaphor for what our 2008 season has amounted to so far… high hopes on the maiden voyage of the HMS Wulf, only to spring a gaping leak and quickly begin sinking, uncontrollably, downward into the abyss. Glub, glub, glub…

As my friend, and former Cougar special teams dynamo, Joe would say, “We’re all going over Niagara in a barrel full of swords.” But not so fast, my friends. Unlike the Titanic our Cougs are not going to settle permanently into the cold, dark depths, never to rise again. On the contrary, while our play on the field has been abysmal in an unprecedented and unnerving fashion, there are many signs that brighter days are ahead. The brightest sign of all? This…

This is the crib of my soon-to-arrive niece, Keelin. As you can see, she is already a dyed-in-the-wool Cougar fanatic! Now do you hear a peep out of her about the struggles of our offense, or the gaping holes in our defense, or the staggering set backs on special teams, or the countless turnovers? Nope. In fact if you ask her (and if she could answer), she’d say Coach Wulf and company ought to have things turned around just in time for her first ever game at Martin Stadium.

With Baby Keelin in mind I took in our first home game of the season with an eye to the future. Its a good thing too, because the present was forgettable at best. On her first trip to “Ol Martin, not only will baby Keelin see an exciting team with a quick strike offense and ferocious, ball hawking defense, she will see a pristine and picturesque facility where she will never have to face the indignity of a trip to the Honey Bucket! When she first arrives she will be greeted by a giant bronze Cougar lurking over the crowds in the Northeast concourse. The statue hasn’t been installed yet, so for the benefit of our imaginations, Keelin’s future auntie Amieable stands in for the beast…

And despite the absence of all hope, the Cougar Marching Band was in the field house giving it their all. I can’t wait for Keelin to do her first shark attack!

On this day the old folks in the South stands mostly failed to show up (I guess there were some partially cloudy conditions on Snoqualmie pass and a 2 for 1 special at Granny’s Buffet in Spokane. Who can compete with that?), but the North stands were packed, much as I imagine they’ll be when Keelin first lays eyes on the assembled Crimson Nation.

If you think Jahvid Best had wide open spaces to run through that day, you should see all the room the students had as they grazed the concessions behind the North stands. Baby Keelin will never know the thrill of being slowly crushed in a massive wave of putrid, drunken humanity pressing forward relentlessly towards a lone concessions attendant who will sell his last hot chocolate in the souvenir mug right before you finally get to the front of the line.

Now while the upgrades to the stadium don’t seem to be helping us out much when it comes to turnover margin, or total yards, they sure make losing more comfortable. And while we shuffle from our seats, to the expanded concessions and the new restrooms and back in slightly less nauseating discomfort then we are used to… the ongoing construction reminds us that this is a work in progress. Just like Martin stadium, with its missing statue, and other rough unfinished edges, this football team still has a LOT of work to be done. But just ask baby Keelin, it will be done, and just in time.

This week, we should be able to take a bit of a breather from all the heart wrenching disappointment and eek out a narrow, but thrilling win over Portland State. Don’t miss this rare opportunity to do some serious high fivin.

As always, Go Cougs!