ONALASKA, WA–“Hello, Logger Nation!” exclaimed Brinkhater to a capacity crowd on Day two of the WSU Football Blog’s campaign for College Football Sportswriters of the Year.
“Its good to be back in the place where all things that start off Purple and Gold grow up to see the light of Crimson and Gray! And on a clear day in Onalaska, legend has it that you can actually see Russia!”
According to campaign officials, the purpose of the Blog’s swing through the battleground of Southwestern Washington was for Brinkhater and Sedihawk to present a set of talking points which they hope will lead them victory in November.
With that goal in mind, campaign officials hoped that the two might be able to construct a narrative around the three pillars of their campaign: Experienced Leadership, Trust, and Fiscal Responsibility.
“In this day and age, any Tom, Dick, or Sherry can start a blog” noted Sedihawk, the Blog’s co-founder.
“You know that, I know that, and the American People know that.”
“But I also want you all to know and remember that Brinkhater and I started the WSU Football Blog before those large newspapers even knew what a Blog was. So, I ask you: when times are uncertain as these times are, who can you really trust to advance the cause of Cougar Nation when you need things done right?”
“Also too,” noted Brinkhater as the applause subsided, “You will hear all of the other candidates talk about their records of outstanding journalism and how they are worthy of your trust as such. But I ask you–I beseech you–how many of those other corporate, liberal media types have shown something even more important?”
What I am saying is, how many of them have adequately proven that they actually trust YOU?”
Amidst a chorus of boo birds, Sedihawk noted that other media outlets have made life miserable for those who wish to comment on their Blogs. Among the hassles he noted on opponent’s web-sites were constant mandates to disclose e-mail addresses, names, addresses and zip codes, phone numbers, and dates of birth.
“The only thing they don’t ask for is your Social Security number,” Sedihawk lamented to the crowd.
“But we at the WSU Football Blog have never done that!” Brinkhater interjected to thunderous applause.
“And we never will!”
“You have our word on that,” the two exclaimed in chorus. “And that is why we are running for College Sportswriters of the Year!”
While the two were supposed to include additional discussion of their record of Fiscal Responsibility, they apparently forgot to do so. And, instead, quickly dove into the crowd.
In other developments at the event, the WSU Football Blog also announced that fellow blogger Longball was appointed Chair, Adviser, and Manager of the campaign.
In the first definitive act in his new role, Mr. Longball addressed reporters after the event.
“These guys are really something. You know, at first, I was just a lonely guy who posted on the Blog every once in a while. But then one day, they asked me to join the team. Next thing I know, I have a new job and I’m getting regular offers from Fortune 500 companies just about every week.”
“So, the message we’re trying to put out there is that these guys are more than just outstanding sportswriters, they’ve also got a proven record of creating jobs.”
“So it’s my role in the campaign to make sure that America sees that.”
But sources close to the campaign suggest that doing so will be no easy task.
In only two short days, the trio has completely exhausted its limited budget and is struggling to find sources to supplement their weak cash reserves.
“The fact that Brinkhater still lives with his parents helps” a source close to the campaign noted, “but look what they’re up against: three multi-million dollar corporations. And their name recognition is barely polling in the double digits.”
Over the coming days, the trio plans to make their way up the I-5 corridor en route to traversing towns around the Olympic Peninsula including Hoquiam, Chehalis, Sheldon, Sequim, Quilcene, and Neah Bay.
“We will not stop until the entire state has heard our message.” Sedihawk promised.
But there’s only one week left. Stay tuned.
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