And now for something we hope you’ll really like. Something a little different, and definitely new, but we thought we would step out of the box a little bit and have our first-ever FEMALE writer contribute to the little ‘ol WSU Football Blog. So, without further adieu, please say hello to Amie, better known as Amieable to her family, friends and blog-readers alike. That’s Amieable above, standing in for the Cougar statue last fall, shortly before it’s final resting place in the plaza. Nice work Amieable.
But first, a quick bio on Amieable, then we’ll get to her takes on WSU football n’stuff, from a female point of view.
“Amieable was swooped up on to the Cougar bandwagon by her boyfriend Longball. She received her first degree from another university [cough!], before she left her career in Seattle and fled to Pullman where she is pursuing an advanced degree in Psychology. She likes expensive microbrews, hard-hitting safeties, long walks by the old steam plant on campus and is not afraid to show a little leg to get Grippi’s attention.”
Hmm, getting Grippi’s attention? Maybe even make him feel a little uncomfortable, perhaps? Welcome aboard Amie!
Read on for more….
Hotdogs and Underdogs
Or “How to Get Your Wife/Husband/Partner/Girlfriend Into Cougar Football”
This problem has often erroneously been thought of as the sole domain of husbands and wives, but Cougar fans of all stripes deal with that boyfriend who went to a snooty art school or the girlfriend who went to Oberlin and never got into college sports. For the sake of clarity, however, I will refer to your would-be convert of any sex as your “Freshman.”
As a woman who had to be coached into a being a Coug fan, I am here to report and give suggestions for how to get your Freshman into a Cougar sweatshirt in no time.
The first thing to remember is that no one is born with the genetic code to automatically become a sports statistician ala “SeanHawk”. If it’s not “nature” then, well then it must be “nurture.” Yep, it’s learning and conditioning just like our old friend Ivan Pavlov and his dogs (oops, sorry to mention dogs on this site). You have to pair a neutral stimulus – Cougar football – with a naturally enjoyable stimulus (see my suggestions below) and voila: if you play your cards right your Freshman will learn to associate Cougar Football with something enjoyable, and soon Cougar Football itself will become enjoyable.
The best kinds of activities to pair with Cougar football are biologically driven desires: Food, sex and companionship. Now hear me out.
1. Food – Children across America learn to love sports because it’s the only time they are allowed to eat tasty crap at the park. If your Freshman isn’t into limp wieners at the ballpark, pair Cougar football with your famous BBQ for a tailgate, a special breakfast dish over College Gameday, or the perennial favorite: booze (within reason).
2. Sex. My own mother was lured onto the U.S.S. mariner by her insatiable crush on little Joey Cora. Don’t be afraid to encourage your Frosh to develop a little crush and you will reap the rewards. Need some suggestions? Dwight Tardy:
Like ’em meatier? May I present to you Mr. Joe Eppele.
Meow.
If your Freshman is into women, well, there are always these gals:
You may scoff and assume you have always been a Cougar fan and any “true” fan won’t need training, but at some point in your life someone paired something fun with sports for you. For me, it was the special time that I got to spend with my dad when he took me to Mariner games. Maybe for you it was attention from your older brother or time spent with your childhood friends. Perhaps it was even your frat buddies who stripped you of your shirt, covered you with Crimson paint and made you sit in line at the student section with a hangover. At some point, you bonded with someone over sports. Which brings me to my last biological drive:
3. Companionship. This one might be tricky for Cougs to understand and implement. What one thing does your Freshman want more than anything?
You.
She wants to spend time with you. Nothing makes a person hate Cougar Football quicker than being abandoned every single Saturday from September to (God-willing) January, only to have you stagger home late, sunburned, pissed off and smelling of Busch Light. This is the reason why I hated Cougar football and it wasn’t until Longball remedied this that I finally turned the corner.
Now this might be a hard step. I want you to take one Saturday in the season and plan to spend it with your Freshman. Sure, it can be an out of conference game, I won’t tattle on you. But take one game and watch it with her. Show her that she too can be a part of Cougar football traditions and that Cougar football Saturdays mean spending time together.
Once you have done this legwork, and you have your Freshman with you in the stands eating and ogling, you are ready to take it to the next level: learning to actually pay attention and participate in the game. Sitting at the stadium without whining is indeed the first step, but participating is a mark of a true fan.
Becoming a true fan means paying attention to the stories of college football. Admit that even though you follow the season because you are a fan, you are also watching the “stories” unfold throughout the season: who ultimately wins the QB race in Pullman, what week of the season will Locker blow out his ACL by running through the sprinkler, or can Tim Tebow really turn water into wine like everyone says?
Tap into something that is familiar to her to get her emotionally attached. If she went to a college with a football team, start there. Hopefully for you she didn’t go to UW. I’m from the “Eastside” of Seattle so this year I’m watching Mitz and Eric Block, both of whom went to high school near where I grew up. If the familiarity route fails, go for a heartrending story of triumph. The Cougars have plenty this year that are currently brewing, including Coach Paul Wulff who has a difficult past, and we hope he is able to succeed here at WSU.
Lastly: everyone loves an underdog team scratching their way to the top to upend a foe. Who is the biggest underdog out there right now? The Cougs.
So don’t give up on your Freshman and leave her angry and alone every Saturday. Because the doghouse is no place for a Cougar to be.
That’s it for now. Amieable’s musings can also be found here, at her own blog. And who knows, if this goes well, maybe she’ll be back. ENJOY YOUR DAY, and GO COUGS!
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