Friday B%$!#tch Fest!

All work and no play, er I mean, no Cougar Football, or basketball makes Longball… CRAZY!

Ok Coug fans, time for me to vent, so take cover. It is the dog days of Spring and I am starved for some kind of sports that actually matter. Without a Cougar football or basketball team to channel all my frustrations towards I am left searching for a new object of my ample stockpiles of scorn. Luckily for me, this Spring has proven to be an especially target rich environment and nobody, I MEAN NOBODY… escapes my wrath. So… who wants it first, huh?

How about YOU NCAA. That’s right Mr. Emmert, I got you in my sites and only a wee bit because you are a Husky. I think we’ve all seen what Husky leadership looks like in the world of college sports:

Oh the HUMANITY!

So, just what has me so wound up about Mr. Emmert’s little organization?  Read on to find out…

Cheating!! Rampant, unbridled, wanton, wide-spread, flagrant cheating. As of right now Ohio State, Oregon and Auburn are all embroiled in some very serious investigations about unauthorized benefits received by players, or by people “representing” players.  So that’s a perennial top 5 power house in Ohio State, and both participants in last year’s National Championship game. I mean what is this, SMU vs. Oklahoma circa 1983? Some things never change.

This week Mark Emmert is making all kinds of tough guy statements about cracking down on NCAA rules violations. Hmm, I guess we’ll see. NCAA Football is not just my favorite sport, but my most favorite thing in the whole damn world, so I get pretty upset when I sense it is being damaged by the very people who should be its greatest stewards… the coaches and players who benefit the most from it. Shenanigans are nothing new to the College Football world, and it’s hard to know whether the recent up-tick in high profile investigations is the result of an increase in violations, or more vigilant oversight. I hope it’s the latter, because the sport I love is looking more and more like a gangster’s paradise where the bad guys operate, and win with impunity.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Heisman trophy winner.

Now, who’s next? How about that perennial straw man for all the ills in the world… the NBA. Gawd I hate the NBA. This league, more than any other, goes out of its way to make sure my blood pressure hovers consistently in the low 200’s. I mean where do we even begin? As of right now, of the few remaining teams in the playoffs, you have one team that was stolen from us in one of the most brazen screw-jobs of all time and another team headlined by Lebron, AKA the biggest dickhead in sports. This is a guy who decided to cold bloodedly dump Cleveland on national TV. Cleveland for chrissakes,  a town where they have shirts that say “Cleveland. At least we’re not Detroit.” And they mean it. That is seriously all they have going for them right now.

She’s too cute to really be from Cleveland. Probably lives in Miami.

So, are we headed for an Okie City vs. Lebron James Final? Of course we are. Who would you even root for? The NBA is like a version of Star Wars where the Empire just wins every time. Emperor David Stern is just cruising the galaxy in his Death Star zapping planets and laughing it up with Klay Bennet the Hut all the way to the bank. I say bring on the lockout, PLEASE!

Finally, I hate to do this, but… Brandon League, get the hell off my baseball team. Go, just go. Can’t we find a single A bat boy spot for this guy somewhere? After teasing us with a hint of competitive baseball the Mariners have tumbled right back down to the major league cellar thanks to back-to back extra inning losses to the Orioles, BOTH served up hot and steamy by Mr. League. When he failed to field a grounder hit right at the mound last night that would have kept the game alive, Amieable almost threw one of our cats through a window. I have no more patience for this motley crew of morons we call the Mariners. I have an idea, lets just sell the team to Howard Schultz so he can turn around and hock them to some arrogant hick from Omaha, or Cedar Rapids.

Serving up a juicy tater, no doubt.

Whew, that feels better. Thanks for letting me vent, folks. Has something got you all fired up this off season? Please feel free to blow off some steam in the comments. Its much more humain than throwing your cat.