“Always OFFENSIVE, Never Defensive”
Happy Saturday to you, Cougar Fans!
Today we kick off the weekend by chatting with the Biggest Cougar on the WSU Football Blog: Butch T. Cougar. In this wide-ranging interview, we touch on a broad range of topics in ways that are aptly fitting for………..
A Memorial.
So, if you’re ready to get your Cougar on, then read on.
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Victory Bell: Hello, Butch T. Thanks for sitting down with us today.
Butch T. Cougar: F-You.
Victory Bell: Alrighty then. You know, much has been made lately about Mike Leach and the whole bear hunting thing. What are your thoughts on the matter?
Butch T. Cougar: Honestly, it’s all too much to bear. On one hand you have all of these schleppers out there who think that everything that Mike Leach does merits some sort of celebration. I mean, really?
Seriously, can you think of an act that is more shallow—or dare I say callow—than a million dollar celebrity like Leach taking his Pirate act to the outdoors without mellifluous intent?
Victory Bell: Those are some big words there Butch, I am not sure you really know what they mean.
Butch T. Cougar: F-You, Victory. What I was saying here is that if you’re going to try to grandstand a trip to the outdoors, why not take your act old school? For instance, a couple of years ago I put an old “American Sportsman” episode into the ole Beta-Max—you know the one where Curt Gowdy and Bob Knight went trout fishing in Wyoming—and I watched it for like three days straight.
Victory Bell: No, I don’t what you’re talking about, B.C.
Butch T. Cougar: F-You. Anyhow, in that episode, Knight and Gowdy fly-fish in this incredibly picturesque setting for like four days, camp under the stars at night like real fricking men, and have all of these incredible “Bro-mance-esque” conversations whilst eating cans upon cans upon CANS of franks and beans. And, really, how can you not go along with something like that? I mean, Momma loves her some franks and beans.
Victory Bell: That’s really gross.
Butch T. Cougar: F-You. Anyhow, if Leach wanted to do a real man thing with Bears, like say, what we saw a few years back with the Action Four News Team, then I would have been all for it.
Victory Bell: So, you’re against the hunt?
Butch T. Cougar: You know, you men always fricking claim to listen, but you never, never, EVER hear. What I was SAYING is that there is nothing that I hate more than people who just can’t tell what time of day it is. I mean, take the folks at PETA for example—an ideal-typical model for environmentalism gone awry. What those petty environmentalists don’t understand is that because of post-modern civilization, the general devolution of bureaucracy, and within that, urban and suburban sprawl, we have fundamentally disrupted the higher food chain level of the eco-system theory in ways that can only be described as deleterious.
Victory Bell: You’re using those words again.
Butch T. Cougar: F-You and your butt ugly mother too. What I am saying is that in order to maintain a healthy balance at the top of the eco-system, we need to have controlled hunting, especially for large predators whose habitat has been infringed upon due to issues of sprawl. And in that respect, what place in the world is suffering the untoward effects of sprawl more than Alberta? I mean, Alberta is a state…
Victory Bell: It’s a Province…
Butch T. Cougar: It’s a STATE—one that is slightly smaller in size than our diminutive Texas, and just a bit smaller in population than our smoking hot populous known as Oklahoma. So, when I think of PETA bringing all of this junk and scandal to MY FRICKING FOOTBALL COACH……well…it makes me want to become a PETA-file.
Victory Bell: Har Har. What about the recent issue with WSU Hoops in general and Que Johnson in particular?
Butch T. Cougar: Honestly, I have no idea who is the bigger Johnson: Que, Ben, or the entire legion of losers that still follow that debacle known as WSU Cougar Hoops. I mean, first of all, what kind of coach hires another head coach who doesn’t recruit as a lead Assistant at Warshington State?
And secondly, after suffering a host of drug scandals under his watch, why in the world is Bone recruiting kids out of diploma factory schools? I mean, in football, you can afford to take a risk on a few five star kids. After all, if you swing and miss, you’re still looking at a class of 22 to 23 kids. But in hoops, you swing and miss at two recruits, well, that’s 50% your class. And when the rest of your group are a “bunch” of 6 11 post players who aren’t ready to play?
Well, if that doesn’t spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E, honey, I don’t know what does.
Victory Bell: So, you’re not a fan about how things are going with Ken Bone, then?
Butch T. Cougar: Ken Bone is one helluva basketball coach. I mean, let’s compare his hire to a scenario we will see with Leach in a few years. I mean, let’s say that we go to five bowls in five years under Leach, including a trip to a BCS game or a really high profile Alamo Bowl game.
Victory Bell: Uh-huh.
Butch T. Cougar: And then let’s say that throughout that whole time, we’re like top five in the country in scoring and, well, total offense. And so, when we’re watching SportsCenter, everyone, I mean, EVERYONE, like Nick Saban and the like, are talking about what incredible match-up problems are caused by our scheme and how perfect that scheme is for a place like Warshington State.
Victory Bell: Uh-Huh.
Butch T. Cougar: And then Leach leaves and Moos’ response is to hire some guy that runs a Power I-formation, or some pro-style offense, like we see at Muttlake. You know, the kind of scheme that demands All-American athletes when we have a difficult time landing All-American GSL types?
Victory Bell: So, again, you’re against it?
Butch T. Cougar: I think what can be said to all the Bone haters out there is as follows: Take your little Johnsons and stick em in a can of Mayonnaise for all I fricking care.
I mean, if you want to get serious about Bone’s record, look at Bone’s RECORD. The man has won 19 games or more two times in four years. What other coach has done that at WSU who is not named Tony Bennett?
And you know, Bone has been winning all those games while actually scheduling. I mean, this isn’t the Kelvin Sampson days where our non-conference schedule consisted of games against Lamar, Prairie View A&M, and 9 others against Athletes In Action.
I mean, next year, we play against Kansas, right? So there.
Victory Bell: Any other thoughts to add?
Butch T. Cougar: Ya, a really nice story this week on CougCenter about Brian Floyd’s journey to a professional sports-writing job. It’s a nice story with some neat insight. You should check it out Victory, you might actually learn something…
Victory Bell: F-You, Butch T.
Butch T. Cougar: F-You too, Victory.
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