Happy almost 4th of July my fellow Americans (and to all our Canadian readers, congratulations on being allowed to play baseball and football). Tomorrow we will have a big ‘ol 236th birthday party for this beautiful country of ours and that means BBQs, fireworks, parades, and pie, which all amounts to a day long sigh of relief that we don’t live in Bangladesh. Whew! This year I am personally using the 4th of July to whip my own patriotic zeal to a fever pitch just in time for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, or as I call it:
The War of 1812 Part II, Carnage on the Thames
That’s right folks, 200 years ago the dastardly British were capturing OUR sailors to serve on THEIR ships, so we did what any self respecting country would do and invaded Canada. Sure, the Canadians chased us out and the Brits burned our capital, but at the end of the day we were still standing AND we had a new National Anthem (and a new found taste for “Canadian” bacon, which, after some Italian immigration and the annexation of Hawaii, would give us Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza. What a f%$king country!) .
“Ha, our flag is still there you scurvy rogues. Fetch me my pen and paper!”
They say revenge is a dish best served cold, and this particular vengeance casserole has been in a deep cryogenic slumber, but this summer the Olympic Village will be our very own Trojan horse in the heart of the British capital. Think of that… undone by a trojan horse that you built yourself. You know what that is? IRONY you Limey toads! Didn’t you Brits invent that irony stuff? HA!
So as we celebrate this 4th of July, be safe, be thankful, have fun and get ready to enjoy the terrified cries ringing out through the streets of London, “The Americans are coming, the Americans are coming!”
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