The Indians announced early this morning that they will be putting the Bro back in Br-Ohio. In order to been more power to the offense and some better health in the outfield, they have signed a one year deal at the Major League minimum to bring back Nick Swisher.
For those who don’t remember the superstar, Swisher was a .196/.312/.320 hitter in 76 games between Atlanta and Cleveland last year and once played for a real Major League franchise, the New York Yankees from 2009 through 2012. Said the All-Star (2009) center fielder (132 games):
“Dude, I’m just glad to be back in Ohio, Bro. They were so nice letting me play near all my college bros in CBus last year I just can’t wait to come back and contribute again. O-H!”
Swisher was released by the Braves earlier this Spring after batting .238 in 42 at bats with no home runs, but he is expected to catch on quickly with the Indians despite missing the last two weeks of Spring Training.
In two corresponding moves, Tyler Naquin and Jose Ramirez were optioned to AAA to make room for Swisher and Tom Gorzelanny, giving the Indians nine relievers and five starters to begin the season. Without Naquin, Swisher is expected to start in center field on a daily basis. Here he has two advantages over his compatriots, Rajai Davis, Marlon Byrd and Collin Cowgill. First, he is a switch hitter, which means he’s obviously going to be better against both right and left handed pitching than any other option. Second, he used to be a Yankee, so he must be good.
Since the Braves are on tap for Swisher’s $15M salary for 2016, the Indians will only have to pay him the Major League minimum, although they still paid the Braves about $15M over the past two years to cover the salaries of Swisher and Michael Bourn in addition to the nearly $7M owed to Chris Johnson after his release.
Swisher claims he is healthy and Terry Francona said after seeing him shag balls in the outfield once:
“He’s a good centerfielder. We like what he can do out there for us.”
In addition to bringing back Swisher, the Indians are also bringing back the Governor of BrOhio, BrOhio t-shirts and the legions of dude bros who somehow still exist.
Of course none of this is actually happening, although there are some crazy people who did want it. All quotes are fabricated, although the Francona one is extremely similar to something he said about Mike Aviles in 2015. Happy April Fools Day!
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