(Enter St. Louis Cardinals charter flight, 12:34 AM CDT. Tuesday, October 11, 2011)
Matt Holliday: Sooooo…did anyone bring any Dramamine? I hear we’ve got rough skies en route to St. Louis.
Yadier Molina: Seriously? I’m pretty sure that’s not a real thing. No one has said that.
Holliday: I just don’t want my “luggage to shift in flight”, if you know what I mean! (winks and attempts to high five Molina, misses.)
Edwin Jackson: Honestly, I would just take a Rolaid if anyone has one. Do you know how stressful that game was for me? SHIT! I can’t believe they left me in as long as they did. I was hallucinating that Ryan Braun was coming to bat in nothing but a G-string. And guys, THAT WAS WEIRD.
Molina: Uhhh…Edwin, I thought we agreed to keep that between us. Jesus Christ.
Holliday: Hey, it’s cool. I think we all felt we were on another planet tonight. WHAT A GAME! Did anyone else notice how the roof was open? AWESOME SHIT!
Jon Jay: Yeah, that was neat. (rolls eyes) BEAST MODE! Haha, but seriously, you guys, I was FEELIN’ IT tonight! Do you know what I mean? It’s like I was just DIALED IN!
Albert Pujols: …….
Christ Carpenter: Uh…calm down dickwad. You were certainly serviceable, but let’s get real for just one GODDAMN MINUTE.
David Freese: Yes, obviously there is only ONE TRUE HERO of this game tonight.
Molina: (nods head vigorously)
Jay: I’m assuming it wasn’t me? Because guys, I totally understand if it wasn’t me. (crosses fingers)
Molina: (stares blankly)
Holliday: (stares blankly)
Freese: (stares blankly)
Jackson: (stares blankly)
Carpenter: (stares blankly)
Pujols: THANK GOD FOR THAT DAMN SQUIRREL!!!!!
(Plane erupts in cheers. LaRussa pulls down his oxygen mask and quietly orders the assassination of twelve PETA employees, the promotion of three deer and the knighthood of at least one endangered species.)
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