BARFVOMITTHROWUP

There is no time for pleasantries, my long lost friends. I was at that game tonight and have to do some venting before my eyeballs fall out of my head and my brain eats itself and destroys major organs that I might need later. 

WHAT WAS THAT????

It is never a fun thing to watch the Cardinals lose to the Cubs and this game was no different.  When it went into extra innings, I nearly suffocated myself with a hot dog wrapper. I mean, who saw THAT coming? It was a very demoralizing moment.

Adding to my misery was the flurry of text messages I received from concerned friends and family over the botched calls at home and second. We all know what it’s like to be on the good side of those calls. You don’t feel GREAT about it, but no one loses sleep over it. You’ll take it. Your team was always going to win anyway, so what difference does it make, right? But being on the losing end of it makes you want to smash the umpire’s head in with a shovel. Being a sports fan is weird.

In any case, I have to say the biggest turn on of the night (aside from Holliday squeaking one over the ivy and Molina making that fantastic out at second) was Matheny getting tossed.

HOLY SHIT, that was awesome.

Keep in mind, I am not typically someone who likes that kind of thing. I don’t like booing players. I don’t like obnoxious heckling in the stands. I just want to go to the game, mind my business and see the Cardinals win. Can’t we all just play nice and demonstrate GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP??? Screaming angry people are not my bag.  I mean, even watching Carlos Marmol getting groaned off the field tonight like he’d just committed genocide was really not that fun. Despite my tantrums, I genuinely don’t like that side of fandom.

But for some reason, I sat RAPT while Matheny argued with the umpire and there was a twisted sequence of thoughts that was going through my brain.

“Is he going to do it? Is he really going to get himself thrown out of this game? Will he maybe punch him straight in the GODDAMN FACE?”

You knew it was coming, but as the crowd got louder you couldn’t help but wonder exactly how far that scenario was going to play out.

And I LOVED IT.

I know he’s a young manager and very new to this crap, but I was completely mesmerized. In a very strange way, I was PROUD of Mike Matheny tonight.

YOU GO, GIRL!!!

And part of me thinks that he had to love it just as much. To have the opportunity to loudly and angrily dispute a shitty call in that kind of situation had to be like snorting a mountain of cocaine. I bet he doesn’t sleep until Sunday.

I would also like to point out that seats for this game were going for $1 on Stub Hub. ONE DOLLAR!!!  It’s probably not great when your nachos cost more than your ticket. It’s a strange day when going to a Cubs game is more affordable than your coin laundry.

I hate them so much.