Last week was all about the trade-in.
Honda Accords for Bentleys. Tents for towering domiciles. Broken hearts for fresh-faced boys. Re-introducing the new Dez, America… welcome her warmly to the 1%.
Yes, we saw men in various states of cringeworthiness. Suits of armor, suits of bathing and, most regrettably, suits of law, at least I assume the latter if Jonathan was released back into society.
But the wings of love take a couple flaps to get airborne. And now that we know what we're working with, it's time to get serious. So if you didn't care for week 1, fret not. Dez has trimmed the fat, stocked the bar and is ready to have relations… just not on the first night, as we found out the hard way.
Let's date…
7:09 – Hmm. Wedding dress fitting? First date? Props to Brooks for going with the Colonel Sanders tux.
7:13 – You're ready to get married, Dez? Is that a fact. I appreciate you verbalizing it, but I think the fact that you're in a WEDDING DRESS put that vibe out there already. Could be wrong, though.
7:26 – Andy Grammer. On a bridge. This is like a high-stakes game of Double Dare. Hopefully that span has some safety netting.
7:31 – Soulja Boy is now on the Bachelorette. Looks like Frank Ocean didn't crack the door, he opened the flood gates.
7:38 – Welp. Go ahead and stem the rest of the kale, grab your Lands End catalog and throw it in the trash, because we now have the whitest thing ever.
7:39 – "Love is like a butterfly…" we already have the NEW whitest thing ever.
7:51 – Ben, who uses his son's memory to initiate a make-out session, reminds me that I was remiss in forgetting the 1 year anniversary of one of the worst make-outs in the history of TV. Enjoy: LINK HERE (Side: was the audio way up on that kiss?)
8:00 – Brandon… Pump. The. Brakes.
8:11 – Props to ABC for still using the Flip Cams. RIP, Flip. I too loved hidden pop out USBs.
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