Know your enemy: Eastern Michigan edition

Upon looking up the name of the head coach of Ohio State’s opponent this week, I thought to myself “That name sounds familiar,” but I couldn’t quite remember from where.  Then, upon seeing the picture of Eastern Michigan’s coach coupled with the name, I thought to myself “Wait a second, I’m pretty sure I do know this guy…”  A few lines into the biography on the EMU athletics site and my suspicions were confirmed: This was Ron English, as in the former defensive coordinator at a certain other school in that state up North.

If there was one thing that made me slightly uneasy about playing scUM through the middle years of this past decade, it was Ron English.  Why?  Certainly not because I could analyze his defensive schemes (or because I know much about football in general, to be honest).  No, it was because Ron English has the game face to beat all game faces.  Take a look…

Does this picture remind you of anything?  If you said “That scene in the movie Collateral where Jamie Foxx is pretending to be Vincent, and he tells the guy over his shoulder that he needs to put his gun away if he doesn’t want his b*tch-a*s beat to death with it,” then you gave the correct answer.  The point is, Ron English gives the strong impression that you don’t want to mess with him, or upset him in any way.  Another way of putting it is this: There is a strong probability that Ron English strikes such fear into the hearts of his players that they really will go all-out to win.  Because, one would assume, they don’t want to get their b*tch-a*ses beat to death.

Now, you may think that this admission smacks of fear born of weakness, but instead think of it as a healthy respect.  After all, English did win a Defensive Coordinator of the Year award in 2006 while serving under Lloyd Carr.  In fact, it seems that English would love nothing more than to reproduce the defense of his earlier Michigan days, as he has employed the tactic of showing stock footage to his EMU players.  English was hired to replace former Eagles coach Jeff Genyk, and to “take the team in a new direction.”  It seems English had the map upside down in his first year, going a painful 0-12, but there is a growing feeling that the U-turn is a’ comin’.  Once that occurs, the EMU webmaster may be able to update English’s profile with some details other than his accomplishments at schools past rather than just having the press release from when English was hired.

The tone of these articles isn’t supposed to be overly sarcastic, or even overly critical of the opposing coach.  They are intended to give a more personal look at the men walking the sidelines on the other side.  But seriously, if you’re going to scowl like that, you have to know that beating Michigan would always have a cherry on top as long as you were along for the trip.

So why is English no longer at our bitter rival?  Well, it’s because RichRod cleaned house.  English landed at the University of Louisville for a brief stint as defensive coordinator before taking the head job with Eastern Michigan.  The challenge of turning around EMU is rather obvious given the team’s record, and on some level it has to feel bad to have 25 non-graduating players leave the program in one year.  Some added controversy was created when English made comments that were interpreted as a criticism of single mothers.  Although it seems that a bigger deal was made out of this issue than should have been, it probably won’t be a great help when it comes to recruiting new talent.  Despite all this, English is determined to move forward step by step, and at only slightly over 40 years of age, he has the time to build a program.

English’s other football background includes assistant jobs at Arizona State and San Diego State, and even a year in the high school ranks.  He played for four years at the University of California, earning four letters, and played high school football in California alongside his identical twin brother Don.  The teachers could always tell Ronald and Donald English apart by remembering that Ronald was the one always scowling.*

*Some historical facts presented in this post may not be factual.

So, while most Buckeye fans this week will probably be trying to amuse themselves by a) trying to spot friends in the stands, b) calculating what the final score will be if the scoring pace of the first quarter continues, or c) trying to figure out why we have an odd fascination with teams wearing green and white this season (seriously, we should have scheduled Oregon instead of Miami and then started the Big Ten season with Michigan State), I’ll be watching my friend Ron English on the sidelines, and hoping I don’t run into him after the game.