57. Boston Bruins at Edmonton Oilers.

I’ve watched the Bruins choke wins away so much this year you’d think they were creating a demo reel for kink porn. So the Bruins Twitter, media and puck huffers will sell you bullshit like this:

#NHLBruins come from behind, but it’s not enough as they fall to Rangers in NYC. Watch Wednesday’s Bruins Beat: http://t.co/c00B6tKcvM

— Boston Bruins (@NHLBruins) February 5, 2015

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There are cults that could watch this team and read that tweet and wouldn’t believe the amount of kool-aid being passed out that mother fuckers are chugging like Bud Lite at a college party.

But we all know this team is a dumpster fire rolled in burnt hair with shit caked on their faces. You may think that’s going to the extreme but I’m sick of having to hand my hat on their run in January as to “what this team can do”. Looking at one month of victories and saying “that’s what this team is” negates the other three and a half months where the team has been utter shit.

I’ve read a lot of things where people are telling others to relax and wait until March. “Real playoff teams show up in March” they say as they watch the Bruins piss away a 3-0 lead to the Calgary Flames in the third period. The funny thing is that when the Bruins were steamrolling the rest of the NHL last year no one was saying that kind of dumb shit. No one believed that this team would let the Canadiens pitch a shanty town in their heads and camp there for seven games. Only when this team blows leads like a gas station glory hole does everyone on the Internet tell the fan base to relax.

Tonight will be another test for the Bruins. The Edmonton Oilers suck. They’re the Western Conference version of the Buffalo Sabres. If the Bruins can’t win in Edmonton tonight, throw in the towel. Trade Chara, Trade Rask, erect a golden statue of Patrice Bergeron and force him to retire. Okay, that all may be a little extreme, but if the Bruins can’t beat Edmonton it may be time to reevaluate where this team is going.

Whether on the road or at home there is no excuse for losing to inferior opponents. Don’t forget that Taylor Hall is injured (again) and won’t play tonight so that also removes the Oilers best player from the ice. This should be a game where Boston dominates. The Oilers defense is non-existent, giving up 3.31 goals per game, putting them at 29th in the NHL. The only real piece they have on the blue line is Jeff Petry (a guy I would love to see in Boston, by the way) and he’s usually paired with Andrew Ference on the second pairing.

You can look at any stat you want.

– Goals for per game? Bottom of the league.
– Goals against per game? Bottom of the league.
– Corsi for%? Bottom third of the league.
– Corsi per 60? Bottom third of the league.
– On-Ice Save Percentage? Dead. Fucking. Last.
– PDO (on ice shoot percentage plus on-ice save percentage)? Dead. Fucking. Last.

Get it? Edmonton is the biggest bunch of sucks who ever sucked and if the Bruins don’t pound this team back to 1980 it’ll be a fucking embarrassment.

Alright?

Hey we’re actually raising money for a good cause!

Someone on eBay is selling a game worn Eddie Shore sweater. He wants $24,000 for it. We want to buy it and we want to donate it to the Hockey Hall of Fame, where something like this belongs. We don’t want some hedge fund asshole dudebro buying this and hanging it up in his man cave where he fucks his mistress. Eddie Shore wouldn’t approve of it and neither do we.

Visit our GoFundMe account for all the details. Anything we make short of (or in excess of) the $24,000 will be donated to the Boston Bruins Foundation or the Cam Neely Foundation. DOY isn’t seeing one red cent of this. We don’t want it – all we want is justice.

Give $1. Give $10. This jersey needs to go home.

Know The Enemy