Chris Pronger has herpes

I don’t like Chris Pronger.  I’m not ashamed to say it.  Why?  First of all, he plays dirty.  He throws elbows, he spears, and he uses his stick as a weapon.  He’s basically a goon.  Hell, he once stomped on a guy’s leg with his skate, which is a cardinal sin in hockey and something you just don’t do.  He’s also knocked the Red Wings out of the playoffs the last two times we met up with him, in 2007 when he won a Stanley Cup with the Anaheim Ducks, and in 2006 when he played for the Edmonton Oilers.  Of course, those two series pale in comparison to the constant beat-downs we gave him in the 1990’s when he was unfortunate enough to play in our division for the St. Louis Blues, but what can I say, I have a short memory.  Although I do remember him collapsing on the ice after Nicklas Lidstrom blasted him in the chesticles with a slap shot in a playoff game.  But no, I don’t wish death on him, just a serious, career-ending injury.

However, I must say that my position on Pronger softened after I came across some photos of him from his family album.  I admit, he was adorable as a toddler:

And who could possibly hate this cute little elementary school kid?

Apparently, you could always drive a small Buick through his teeth.  Speaking of which, I was trying to figure out the other day who Pronger reminds me of.  His teeth are reminiscent of George Strahan and Madonna.  His feathery hair is very MacGyver.

Then it hit me.  He’s Chet from Weird Science:

Game 6 of the Wings-Ducks Western Conference Semi-final series is tonight at the Honda Center in Anaheim at 10pm EST.  Who wins this series?  It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, monkey dick.

Go Wings!