I wanted to make a really cool title like opposing fans do with Duke (Duck Fuke), but Duck Fucks and Fuck Ducks is pretty much the same thing. Big hat tip to Motor City Sports for the picture above.
Anyway, Game Six tonight made me about as happy as this little kid right here. I didn’t want to lose this game, and if I could have prevented it, I would have thrown a classic temper tantrum throughout the night.
Unfortunately, THAT just happened, nothing I could do worked, and the Wings are now facing a Game 7 against a fearless No. 8 seed.
To be honest, I’m shaking in my rain booties.
This Game 7 is a little different from other series. First of all, it’s vs a No. 8 seed who shouldn’t even be “alive” right now. It’s like all those Michael Myers movies never going away even though he should have been dead already. Not only should the Sharks have done their duty and taken care of business as a No. 1 seed in the NHL playoffs, but the Ducks should have come into Detroit for the 2nd round feeling complacent and content with having won just a single round. The Wings should have put the Ducks away after four or five games, right? Instead, these Ducks have shown great resilience and are proving to everyone that they played purposefully bad during the regular season to trick playoff teams into thinking they were just another No. 8 seed looking to get beat. That, or they picked up Getzlaf and Hiller illegally from another District like Bombay did with Adam Banks.
Secondly, the Ducks, especially two of their most hated players, have haunted the Red Wings in the past. The Wings have lost to the Ducks the last two times the teams have met in the playoffs (2003 and 2007). As if that’s not enough bad memories to keep our drinking problems relevant during this series, the Ducks have two guys that make us want to punch babies playing with rubber duckies in the bathtub. Chris Pronger, as John mentioned in his post, was recently on teams that beat the Wings in 2007 and 2006. Scott Niedermayer, who looks like an aging, famine Al Borland rather than a hockey player, was also apart of the 2007 Ducks team that beat us; not to mention he was on that pesky ’95 Devils team that broke Wings fans’ hearts in the Finals, two years before we won our first Cup in 42 years.
The third thing that scares me, one that probably shouldn’t, is Jonas Hiller. Yeah, he’s just a kid and he might crack under pressure, but being a mixed up kid might be enough for him to stupidly overlook just how important this Game 7 is to his team and play with no feelings of pressure. Maybe I’m just crazy.
That being said, there are a few things that don’t worry me and will ultimately keep me grounded. For starters, the game is at Joe Louis Arena. That place is going to be absolutely nuts. Also, the last time the Red Wings were in a Game 7 was seven years ago when we played Hall of Fame dickhead, Patrick Roy. The Red Wings went on to win that game 7-0 en route to a Stanley Cup Championship. History often repeats itself.
Another reason I’m not worried is because the Fucks, I mean Ducks, were stupid enough to scrum with the Red Wings after Game 6. Honestly, the Ducks had a chance to pull a fast one on these Wings, but by instigating a fight with them at the end of the game they’ve just woken a sleeping bear with fucking claws and these fangs, man.
No more poking at the bunny rabbit. No more being the team in the PG-13 movie; we’re going to be the guys in the Rated R movie. We’re going to absolutely kill the Ducks in Game 7.
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