In light of recent news that Mark Sanchez donated 500 hot dogs and hamburgers to a New Jersey soup kitchen, Matthew Stafford has agreed to donate a small portion of his record-setting contract to cure world hunger. Stafford’s contract, roughly equivalent to the gross national product of China, will help feed millions of hungry families around the world.
When asked about the donation, Stafford said “Well I’ve already paid for the important things, so I figured I’d help others less fortunate than me. I like what that Sanchez guy did and I figured I’d step it up a bit.”
Reporters interviewed a starving Eastern European man about Stafford’s contribution. The man responded by saying, “I love America! We just get Miami Wice on television. Hey man, Miami Wice is number one new show.” Before leaving, he added, “Stop! Hammer Time!” The interview begins around the 2:40 mark in the video below.
Reporters also asked Stafford when Lions fans could expect him to deliver on his promise to end their starvation for a Super Bowl title. Stafford responded with, “I don’t know. I only have about $12 billion left this year. It might be easier to solve the U.S. economic crisis first. My Calvin Johnson clone machine isn’t working yet.”
In related news, both Lars and Tony Perkis were upset with Stafford’ philanthropic efforts.
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