Week 11 NFL Injury Report from Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

St. Louis

The Rams scouting report has to be fake.  Out was a guy by the name of “Ah You” and under the did not participate section was Guard, Richie Incognito.  Obviously, Richie participated, but no one could see him.  Zing.

Atlanta Falcons at NY Giants

Atlanta

Last week, Michael Turner’s ankle twisted with the Falcons fate.  Roddy White’s knee should not keep him out, despite the fact it’s making him a limited participant during practice all week.  How convenient.

New York:

Everyone, Eli Manning is okay.  He had a boo boo on his heel, but he is listed as probable which to me means it’s probable he won’t contract VD this week before the game.

Buffalo Bills at Jacksonville Jaguars

Buffalo

Head coach Dick Jauron is listed as Fired.

Jacksonville

Rashean Mathis will be out with sore genital regions.  Mathis is a letter swap and a flip-flop location with the T from being a great name.

Cincinnati Bengals at Oakland Raiders

Cincinnati

The team in orange jumpsuits made a great move picking Larry Johnson up off twitters, I mean waivers.  Cedric Benson is as questionable as my sexuality, which is extremely debatable.  Laverneus Coles is probable…going to play. Not probably gay.

Oakland

“Practice not complete.”  That explains a lot actually.

Cleveland Browns at Detroit Lions

I got both teams’ test results back and they all have AIDS. 

Indianapolis Colts at Baltimore Ravens

Indianapolis

Anthongy Gonzalez will miss at least a couple more games.  The beneficiary? Pierre Garcon, the first black French guy to play one of the four major American professional sports since Tony Parker.  Unfortunately, he tripped over a pain au chocolat and his ankle has been bothersome.  He should play, though.

Baltimore

Terrell Suggs hasn’t practiced, but my guess is he’ll do whatever he can to play and prevent Brady Quinn from actually inflicting injury on anyone but his own career.

New Orleans Saints at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

New Orleans

Darren Sharper, Reggie Bush, and Lance Moore are all listed as questionable.  Bush is supposedly still dating Kim Kardashian and Lance Moore is upset he’s not more involved with the offense. 

Tampa Bay 

Byron Leftwich is on the report for his left elbow. It keeps throwing incompletions and interceptions.  The Bucs want fans to know that Bryant, Cadillac Williams, and Kellen Winslow were all full participants in practice which means the Bucs actually have a slim chance of winning now.  Leftwich not practicing also helps.

New York Jets at New England Patriots

NY Jets

Mark Sanchez was seen eating a hot dog during practice.

New England

The Firm and Fred Taylor both out, so that leaves the running game, or lack thereof, to Kevin Faulk and Lance Maroney again.  Tom Brady is the obligatory probable and Bill Belichick is still listed as ‘wrong’ for his 4th and 2 call from a week ago.

Philadelphia Eagles at Chicago Bears

Philadelphia

Brian Westbrook will most likely not play ever again.

Chicago

I’ve been informed that Cutler’s “throwing-to-the-wrong-team-itis” is not actually a disease.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs

Pittsburgh

Look at this.  Apparently the Steelers have no injuries, because they’re fucking perfect.  That’s not true, though.  Troy Polamalu hurt his knee last week…Rug burn fixing Big Ben’s TV.

Kansas City

Twitter is the biggest inactive for the Chiefs, an addition by subtraction.  And to think Dwayne Bowe was really starting to enjoy it (and steroids).

San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos

San Diego

I thought Gates had a bye week and was at the spa?  LT’s wife is listed as pregnant.

Denver

Kyle Orton is questionable with his ankle injury.  DO NOT pick up Chris Simms though.  I diagnosed him years ago as “bad.”

San Francisco 49ers at Green Bay Packers

San Francisco

Isaac Bruce (ankle, elbow, age) was a full participant on Thursday.  Crabtree, as well.

Green Bay

Charles Woodson, who injured his hip flexor doing the Heisman pose for an Ohio State teammate, was a full participant. 

Seattle Seahawks at Minnesota Vikings

Seattle

Julius Jones is still suffering the effects of a bruised lung.  Not that Jones does, but I smoke a lot of weed and I’ve never had a bruised lung. Tarred? Yes. Bruised? No.

Minnesota

Brett Favre was limited in practice (hip, groin, age, doesn’t like to practice), but he’ll likely make his millionth start in a row. Wish I could say the same for Bernard Berrien, but he’s always hurt and nobody really cares.

Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys

Washington

Chris Cooley remains out for the season with a bad hair decision.  Clinton Portis was concussed last week and won’t play.  Haynseworth is a game-time decision.

Dallas 

I’ve often injured my thumb sticking it up my butt, BUT I assure you that’s not how Marion Barber injured his despite having nothing better to do this season considering his work load in this Cowboys offense is way down (on pace for 30 less receptions and less carries).

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans

Tennessee

Vince Young has officially been lifted from suicide watch.

Houston

Injury to Andre Johnson’s fantasy opponents is listed as probable.