Editor’s Note: This goes back to D4L’s hayday when we were banging out posts on the dot blogspot and we were getting critiqued by our mothers during supper. Now we’re bigger and badder, I hope we’re read by more than our mom, and we’re still bringing you the same good ol’ material. Enjoy this classic edition of hate/respect by the relatively new, but always fresh and clean, Bubba Perkins!
hate/respect (hāt·ri·spekt):
(verb),
to have a healthy appreciation or admiration for a person, team, sport, place, object, or idea that, at the same time, invokes intense and unwavering unhappy feelings.
After a SUPER-controversial HATE/Respect on the National Hockey League, after which the editor-goons at D4L threatened to castrate me, it’s time for round three. I’m like Barry Bonds post-Pittsburgh, bitches. You should have stamped me out when my BFF was Bobby Bonilla, and not Bobby Estalella…because now I’m a chemically-enhanced monster that you won’t be getting rid without the help of the feds…
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…Kids at Games. I love to see the little ones at games, I really do. It’s awesome that they can support the team, enjoy the game with their parents, enjoy a brew, and even flip off random people. I can respect that they have heroes, and they want to be like their heroes one day; I was like that, until the creepy neighbor touched me when I was nine. But I HATE how you need to be careful around them (kids, not creepy neighbors. ….well, ok, creepy neighbors, too). I mean, when I’m at a Panthers game, and Jake Delhomme decides he wants to get gang-raped by the Philadelphia Eagles defensive line, I feel the need to let the expletives fly… and I can’t do that if little Johnny and little Jessica are sitting in front of me. (As an aside: all the links to rowdiness, drunkenness, and bad behavior in this little rant were from Boston. What the fuck, you Massholes? Get it together).
…The WNBA. I HATE everything about women’s sports. The WNBA could be the worst. And this clip pretty much sums up why they are worthless (it’s from a credible source, which makes it even better). But I can respect Candace Parker. And by “respect,” I really mean “want to do” Candace Parker. Seriously. Girl is SMOKING hot — at least, to me. Hubba Bubba!!
She’s also better than her NBA-brother, she’s better than male HS All-American dunkers, and she is pretty nice, from what it looks like. Let’s hope she’s not a lesbian…or let’s hope she is — but she is one of those ‘lipstick lesbians‘ rather than one of those ‘flannel shirt lesbians‘. Oh, before I forget – I can definitely respect this about the WNBA, too. WE GOT NEXT, DYKES.
…The Florida Gators. Gators wear jean shorts. Gators wear jean shorts. Gators wear jean shorts (the best one!). But, the Gators got rings. Gators got rings.Gators got rings. That’s probably all I need to say about that. Seriously though, Florida is pretty gay.
…5-Hour Energy Shots. You know they don’t really work, right? It’s just a ton of B-Vitamins and a dose of Niacin (which might make your skin feel like it’s on fire, as a side effect). Even if it did work, the buzz lasts about 15 minutes – NOT 5 hours. But deep down, you probably already knew that. The trouble is, I know that, and I STILL can’t stop buying the damn things. I have mad respect for a company that can have such a small payroll, and yet make such a ridiculous amount of money on a product that everyone knows is marginal at best… damn.
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