Tigers Shopping LHP Brad Thomas, Looking for Anything In Return

First, a warning: before you read the next few sentences, make sure you are not drinking or eating anything, lest it end up all over your monitor.

With that out of the way, the best headline of the day goes to MLB writer Jon Morosi, who reported that the Tigers are shopping left-handed reliever Brad Thomas. Yes, you read that right. Since most fans (and hell, the Tigers themselves) aren’t too sure what exactly a quality ballplayer like Thomas (Ed.: sarcasm alert) will command in return, we’re here to provide some ideas.

For Dave Dombrowski: this one is fairly obvious. Clearly, Dombrowski is getting sick of his current wardrobe and needs a few new striped polos to wear.

For Jim Leyland: a couple of packs of Marlboros (too easy) and, after last night, a stress ball.

Click after the jump for more trade offer ideas…

For Will Rhymes: a Chipotle gift card and a taxi ride from Toledo to Detroit.

For Ryan Raburn: a certain slip of paper and a pension plan (too easy).

For Justin Verlander: a back brace, so he doesn’t hurt himself carrying the rest of the starting rotation.

For Alex Avila: a plane ticket to Arizona (that is, as long as all you mofos vote for him to start the All-Star game).

For Rick Porcello: a fake ID (Blue Jays excluded). [NSFW language]

For Jose Valverde: X-Box Kinect and a dancing game so he can keep his dance moves up to snuff during off days and long layoffs.