Epic Battle Update: No One Wins, Universe Still up for Grabs

Tonight I come to you with grave news. The fate of the universe is still up in the air at this hour, as both the Minnesota Wild and Paul Stastny mailed it in tonight.

The Wild lost 3-1 to Colorado, extending their losing streak to a season-long three games. Despite his team actually winning the game, Paul Stastny was held without a goal yet again. His goalless drought now spans 14 days and seven games.

At the moment, it is still unclear if the universe can recover from both of these utter disappointments. Only time will tell if another force will rise up and seize control.

For the time being, a team of actors has been assembled to save mankind. And womankind:

They’ve got the Guy Who Isn’t Matt Damon but is Friends With Him, Billy Bob Thornton, the Big Black Guy from Green Mile Who is a Really Good Actor, that Creepy Dude Who’s Always in Important Movies, the lead actor from the Fifth Element and, of course, some hot chick.

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Alright that’s really going to be the last I talk about Stastny and the Wild for a while now. You might be laughing but I know that I’m killing you on the inside with these shenanigans. I’m going to quit cold turkey. _uacct = “UA-1868762-1”; urchinTracker();