Game Log 6/16

I used to do these with Steve over at IIS, and I’ve been meaning to do one of these for a while here at the Times. So now that I have the time and there is a Twins game on TV, I’m going to do one right now. And begin.
6:07 – Bert Blyleven and Dick Bremer are announcing from PNC Park in Pittsburgh. It’s historic rivals the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Minnesota Twins!
6:08 – With the game underway, Luis Castillo immediately grounds out to young pitcher Ian Snell. Hey, I have him on my fantasy team!
6:09 – Snell strikes out Nick Punto. Good for my fantasy team, bad for the Twins.
6:11 – Joe Mauer grounds out. We’re having some problems with the video feed. Apparently “cable” hasn’t quite reached Pittsburgh yet. (What? It was invented there?!)
6:14 – Phenom Francisco Liriano is on the hill for the Twins. It is illegal to say his full name without adding the “Phenom” part, so he shall be known as PFL from this moment forward.
6:16 – Two strikeouts and poof, we’re done with the first. PFL is cruising.
6:19 – The red-hot Michael Cuddyer is up. Wait, red hot and batting .259? Oh right, the Twins are 31-34. Anyways, he grounds out.
6:22 – With Torii Hunter batting some weird green thing just walked behind him. What the heck was that? A mascot? Shouldn’t the Pirates mascot be a, you know, pirate? It must have spooked Hunter, because my man Snelly struck him out.
6:24 – Shouldn’t girls that work at a salon have attractive haircuts? Especially ones that won big at Grand Casino?
6:26 – Our first hit is a double by Latin singing sensation Freddy Sanchez.
6:27 – Curt Wilson is rocking a Mike Schmidt inspired fair-haired moustache. Moustache statistics need to be kept track of so I can be made aware of them.
6:28 – Between Wilson’s ‘stache and the thunder, tonight has taken a creepy turn. Unphased, PFL strikes Creepy Stache out.
6:30 – Hey! I have Liriano on my team too! PFL struck out the side and has 5 in the game. Pitchers duel! Please?
6:33 – After hitting 3 homers in the series with Boston, Jason Kubel will not be allowed off the plane in Logan. For his own safety.
6:36 – I forgot to set my fantasy teams tonight! Crap!
6:37 – Crisis averted. Both Liriano and Snell are in the lineup. Speaking of PFL, Snelly just struck him out. I forgot, no DH today! Free strikeouts for everyone!
6:39 – Jason Bartlett, lone Twins baserunner is thrown out trying to steal. So we still have a shutout. Woohoo!
6:44 – PFL walked Snelly. Which reminds me, I had a Coach Snell who kind of lingered at my high school. I guess he had a mail order bride. That’s all.
6:45 – The Pirates DO have a pirate mascot. Why on EARTH would the Pirates need two mascots?
6:49 – I’d just like to thank the Giants and Marlins for Liriano and Johan Santana.
6:50 – Jack “I’m the one without the Creepy Stache” Wilson hits a two run homer off of PFL.
6:54 – Anthony Edwards is at the game! Wait…. no, just some ugly guy.
6:57 – Three minute half inning. That sums up the Twins so far.
7:00 – Jason Bay is up right now. The Pirates have so much young talent, why aren’t they better? I have never been able to figure these guys out.
7:04 – After Latin singin sensation Freddy Sanchez is retired, its time for Creepy Stache. I think I could really get behind the Pirates. Creepy Stache and Sanchez, as well as Bay, strike out, giving PFL 8 in 4 innings.
7:08 – Time to take a quick dinner break. Keep me posted.
7:26 – Back from dinner, and nothing has changed. Except the strikeout totals, which keep adding up. 9 for PFL and 6 for Snelly.
7:28 – PFL gets his 10th and I feel delirious. Oh… wait… he just through a ball into the outfield. How do pitchers do that? Throw a gem of a game and then butcher a flip to first?
7:29 – Dick and Bert are discussing helmets, particularly newer ones, with the vents on top, which raises the question. Why?
7:32 – 5 hits total in this game. That’s only 5 more than I have tonight.
7:35 – A nice shot of Pittsburgh from inside the stadium. Boy, wouldn’t outdoor baseball in Minneapolis be great? Especially on a night like this? Or in April, early May or September? Yeah! Great! Outdoor baseball has no possible drawbacks!
7:36 – Snelly has now reached, “Hey, maybe we should find out about this guy” status for FSN. It’s the 7th, and we finally get his career history. It’s short.
7:39 – Punto walks and Joe “Baby Jesus” Mauer singles. Two base runners! Get inside Snelly’s head! Start the “Pitcher’s got a big butt” cheer from Rookie of the Year! Any thing!
7:41 – Red Hot Cuddyer doubles! Punto scores! The chant works, and appernetly Snelly isself conscious! In other words, a man with a long white beard is outside building a boat of some kind.
7:42 – It’s a Damaso Marte sighting!
7:43 – Morneau with the sac-fly, proving that the Twins have the better Canadian.
7:45 – Hunter singles, Red Hot scores and the Twins have taken the lead! All right now, let’s take out Snelly.
7:49 – Jason Kubel looks like a retarded Jack Black.
7:50 – Marte is still a bastard.
7:51 – The cable blinked out for a second and I had a coronary.
7:55 – Latin singing sensation Freddy Sanchez gets his second hit. Sanchez OWNS Liriano.
7:59 – Two men on for pinch hitter… Joe Randa? The Bucs are an all star team for mediocre players.
8:02 – In a jam, PFL strikes out his 11th. I love that guy.
8:08 – Nick Punto still hasn’t got the memo. “Don’t slide into 1st base!” Nick Punto slid into first base.
8:12 – Mauer doubled, but Red Hot Cuddyer grounded out. When is the part where the Twins score 76 runs?
8:17 – The biggest dissappointment of this game so far is that it has been moving along so quickly. Bert Blyleven hasn’t been able to go off on his insane tangents.
8:19 – Juan Rincon, in for PFL, is picking up where Liriano left off, striking out the first two batters. It’s fun watching other teams flounder at the plate.
8:24 – Mike Gonzalez, Bucs closer looks filthy. Too bad he won’t be getting a save in this game. In other news, Joe Nathan will be getting a save. Nathan is also on my fantasy team.
8:27 – Torii Hunter nails the 2nd base ump with a line drive. Base hit! Bruise!
8:33 – Luis Castillo is up with the bases juiced. With the way things have been going, I’d be dissappointed with anything but a grand slam.
8:34 – Castillo struck out. But Nick “STOP SLIDING INTO FIRST!” Punto has a chance.
8:35 – It appears that the Twins snuck in a 4th run while I wasn’t paying attention. I suck at these game logs.
8:37 – Punto goes down, so Nathan is going to step in to get the save. And after loading the bases and all, maybe Gonzalez wasn’t as filthy as I thought.
8:41 – Nathan gets the first two outs of the 9th, and I am quivering with anticipation as Creepy Stache steps up to the plate.
8:42 – Torii Hunter snags it, Twins win! That’s 5 in a row. How ’bout them Twins, eh?