Penetrating Alan Faneca

I don’t know if I mentioned it in passing or anything, but this weekend, I was mostly distraught with the fate of the Twins, the Gophers, and the Boilermakers. But mostly the Twins. The NFL continued despite my call for a week of grieving, and I was obliged to watch. So here’s a quick synopsis of five games from the weekend.

Can the Vikings do me a favor? Can they put Darren Sharper in at wide reveiver? Can they make Ben Leber the running back? Half of the touchdowns for the Vikes have been scored by the defense or special teams this year. That’s insane! If it wasn’t for the defense, the Vikings would have mustered a mere twelve points against the lowly defense. I’m thoroughly convinced that the offensive revival that I anticipated against Buffalo will never happen. If you can;t put points on the board against Detroit at home, you aren’t going to be putting points on the board. The biggest travesty in this game was that there wasn’t another early game on locally.

Matt Leinart, despite showing some of the same kind of decision making that led him to Paris Hilton’s bedroom in the second half, was impressive in his Cardinals debut. I mean, he was no John Elway, but he was at least Steve McNair circa 2006. He was able to get the ball down the field, used Edgerrin James effectively, probably because he has dealt with good receiving backs before (i.e. Reggie Bush). The Cardinals didn’t beat the Chiefs for three reasons, however. 1) The Cards look like they went and found guys off the street to play the offensive line. 2) The Chiefs are better, all around. 3) Nothing ends well for Arizona. I fully expect Pink Taco Stadium (Or the Tac, as I’m going to call it) to implode in some sort of cactus accident I don’t have a punchline for.

Philadelphia – Dallas was an excellent game. The Eagles proved that even for coaches like Andy Reid that love passing, offensive attacks are only truly effective when a running back is incorporated. Brian Westbrook was the key in this one. The other thing that the Eagles did was get after Drew Bledsoe, causing him to make some key mistakes, including a late interception to Lito Sheppard. Oh, and let me tell you about that wide receiver that Donovon McNabb didn’t get to throw to today. Donte Stallworth, who I believe is one of the better, underrated acquisitions in recent years by any team, was out for this game, but McNabb didn’t have any problems with the corps he was left with. Now, was there anything else from this game that merited mentioning?

The Steelers aren’t going to the playoffs! I think I have to say that now every time I mention them. The Chargers defense, despite the baby blue uniforms, was all man. That will be the key to their winning the AFC West, and maybe garnering a trip to the playoffs (Phillip Rivers has failed to impress me). However, if I hear about Jamal Williams “coming out as a football player” (I guess he was a closet football player before) or penetrating Alan Faneca one more time, I think I’m going to be sick.

So what did I tell you? Huh?! I said that Jake Plummer would beat the Ravens on the mere fact that he wouldn’t have to expend any thought. I will keep driving this into the ground until it’s picked up by someone else. Jake Plummer is stupid! Make him think, play zone, whatever! It confuses him and you will win! Brian Billick just got outsmarted by Jake Plummer! It didn’t help, of course, that the Ravens laid an egg. Ha! Aviary humor!

That was terrible. I’ll be back on Thursday. – Ryan