The St. Paul Pioneer Press recently reported that the Twins had 22 million dollars to burn. With today’s signing of Livan Hernandez for 5 million, that leaves 17 mil to throw around. What can they do with all that money? Well, I have some suggestions.
– Veteran center fielder, like Kenny Lofton or Corey Patterson to give the young
sters more time to develop.
– Coupons to Old Country Buffet for Livan and Boof Bonser.
– Create a series of instructional videos teaching Nick Punto the fundamental physics of why it’s a bad idea to dive into first base. Swimmers dive into the pool because they need to become horizontal. Nick Punto needs to stay upright and run through the base.
– Create a series of instructional videos teaching Nick Punto how to hit.
– Find a nice home for Carl Pohlad.
– Anger management sessions for Delmon Young.
– A third catcher (submitted by Ron Gardenhire).
– Pay for Justin Morneau’s wedding.
– Pay for my wedding.
– Find someone willing to marry me.
– Get new “Third place in the AL Central” team rings.
– Johan Santana. (Crap.)
– Steroids for Alexi Casilla
– A bribe so MLB looks the other way.
– Trips home for Joe Mauer.
– And Glenn Perkins.
– And Pat Neshek.
– A vowel for Kent Hrbek
– The entire Pittsburgh Pirates roster.
All of these are good ideas.
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