I suspect most of you are sick of me talking about soccer, so we are going to let a special guest chat about the beautiful game for a bit.
Oh, hey. I see you there, checking me out out here running around in my Umbros. That’s right, it’s me, referee Johnny Casanova, and I’m officiating the first match of the 2012-13 UEFA Champions League on Tuesday. You want to know a little about the match?
Well all right then. We’ve got Valletta playing at home. They are from Malta, and they’re going to make your heart melt-a! Haha! And Lusitans, they are going to have you lustin’ fans! Ooh, yeah! Sorry for those corny lines, my lovelies, I just get excited about getting out on the pitch and working up a sweat, tasting the whistle, and pulling out my red card. Aw yeah.
You haven’t asked, but I bet you want to know a little bit about me. Well, I’m from San Marino. That rhymes with Dan Marino, but we don’t have anything in common. Well, one thing. NO RINGS! I’ve got too much love to give to ALL the soccer in the world, baby! I’m not a one woman referee! I can’t be tied down to one pitch!
Follow up question? Sure, I don’t speak with an Italian accent. Why? I’m a referee baby! On an international level! I need to get around the world. I speak in TONGUES! You know what I’m talkin’ about! But seriously, I do need to be fluent in English to officiate international matches.
So, watch the match in Malta on Tuesday. I’ll be watching for you, just like I’ll be watching for people doing things with their hands that they shouldn’t be. Be good to me baby, and follow the match. I would hate to have to put you in my book.
Johnny C, out.
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