All right, sorry. The Twins are terrible, and the only thing I can think to talk about that hasn’t been addressed is that the Twins continue to feature Chris Parmelee on the roster. Did you know that? Still there! And I didn’t want to go bananas on the soccer thing, but it’s literally the only sport that I still have a dog in the hunt at this point. So I thought I would try to figure out striker to goalie, which American athlete has the best skills to be a soccer player.
It’s often been lamented among fans of American soccer that our best athletes, unlike those in other countries, do not play soccer. But what if they did? Who would be the best soccer players if, you know, soccer was more lucrative?
Striker: The Striker is the finisher, the clinical goal scorer. He needs to possess two things: a breakaway speed to separate from defenders, and good footwork to ensure they maintain possession in tight quarters. I think someone who embodies these skills best, in my mind, is Chris Johnson the Titans’ running back.
Midfield: Midfielders control the flow of the game. They play defense and offense, they need to feed the strikers and every once in a while, take it in for the score themselves. This sounds like a quarterback, no? Well, yes and no. Midfielders need to run the most of any other position player. The mobile quarterbacks, like Michael Vick and Tim Tebow don’t have the best vision downfield. This seems more like a job for a point guard. Chris Paul has some of the best court vision in the game, and is obviously used to running for at least 48 minutes a game.
Defender: If you look at many defenders in soccer, you will find they look a lot like wide outs and defensive backs. They need good closing speed, so they need to be lean, but they also need the ability to go up to defend crosses. It would be natural to put a cornerback here, but wide receivers, for the purpose of soccer, fit the needs of the position better. The best big, physical receiver in the league is Calvin Johnson.
Goalie: The ability to cover a lot of ground laterally is key in net. You would do well to get a good defensive middle infielder to play the position. The motion is all the same, of course.The problem is that middle infielders are notoriously undersized. A nice big man from the NBA fits our needs perfectly. Have you seen, not how high, but how FAR Blake Griffin can jump? He suits our team admirably.
Did I leave anyone out? Who else should be on this team?
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