Matt Duchene – Oh, boys it’s sure good to be back in my old stompin’ grounds, doin’ what we all used to do. Hang out in front of the liquor store and hassle customers.
Dutch – Hey man, this seems really weird now.
Big Carl – Yeah man, we’re like 25 now.
Duchene – You GUYS I went away to play juniors when I was 16. I loved hanging out with your guys here, and I wanted to — HEY, HEY buddy, when you go in there, pick us up some Molsons, eh? We’ll give you 2 dollars.
Random guy – Um… It’s like 10 dollars, man. And no.
Dutch – Do you not buy beer on your own now?
Duchene – I use my card. That’s not real money.
Big Carl – Oh my. You know, my mom did say I really turned my life around when you left town. I’m the assistant manager at a TJ Maxx now.
Duchene – HEY LADIES! YOU WANT TO PARTY?! No seriously, if you ladies by the booze, Dutch has a dart board in his basement, it’s going to be awesome.
Random lady – Uuuuuuummm, I think you’re older than me.
Dutch – And I moved out of my parents’ house 5 years ago. The dartboard is on the main floor now.
Duchene – Man, this town is just as lame as when I left. GOOSE, IS THAT YOU BUDDY?
/Goose turns around and walks the other way.
[This scenario is not even remotely what the Denver Post meant.]
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