It’s noon on a Saturday. You’re at the bar of the Rivers Casino, when you realize the Pens play at 3pm against the Red Wings. You can write the Gameday post on your phone as you drink your beer, or you could skip it all together because, let’s face it, nobody needs you to tell them the Wings suck.
Fuck it, let’s do this.
I haven’t watched too much of Detroit this season — despite my affinity for watching obscure hockey — because I value my free time and try to keep my life as enjoyable as possible.
All I can really tell you about this franchise is they are IN LOVE with themselves for reaching the playoffs for 25 straight years. SPOILER ALERT: That love affair is about to end. The Wings are dead last in the East, and Pavel Datsyuk isn’t coming back any time soon. As a matter of fact, I would 100% presume he’d rather play for Arizona, anyway. At least the weather there is nice. Economy seems to be stable. Not a lot of crime. It’s actually a way better place to be, unless you’re an immigrant…oh shit. Never mind.
The Red Wings won exactly half of their games last season. They are, somehow, worse this season. But with their mediocre ride to exactly two playoff wins last season, they are still, in essence, bragging about riding a .500 record to just enough loser points to scrape two points ahead of 9th place. Never mind what is happening in the here and now. More banners!
I honestly feel like they moved to the East to be this sides version of the Blues. THIS IS THEIR YEAR…THEY HAVE HISTORY ON THEIR SIDE…ANOTHER PLAYOFF DISAPPOINTMENT…SAD!
This will be the Pens third game in four days. They’re beat up. There are more trade rumors swirling the locker room than empty buildings in downtown Detroit. I know making fun of a depressed environment is less than tasteful, but when you suggest Kid Rock could be the political leader to turn things around, you open yourself up to any and every joke. That’s just joke law.
All things considered, the Pens should win this game by five.
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