Welcome to That Friday Feeling Column. A weekly commentate that reflects on the most pressing issues the last seven days of sports, specifically NHL hockeying. This column is meant to be read right before you drink a beer after work and suddenly realize you want to keep drinking all night and party, like wow I’ve got That Friday Feeling. What better day of the week to bring the heat than Fry-day. These takes were meant to be given, so if you can take the heat, welcome to the kitchen.
What a week for Sidney Crosby. One game after checking Ryan O’Reilly’s manhood, later taking Robin Lehner’s with a one-handed goal, then losing his teeth going for an empty-net goal, the best player in the game sacrificed Mark Methot’s finger to hockey gods with a slash that Jason Pierre Paul probably felt. (Truthfully, Crosby didn’t really do anything different from any other slash that occurs in the NHL. Point the, well, finger at Methot’s finger for not having the strength and grit to hang in there. Hanging there and hanging in there aren’t the same thing, obviously.)
Up until this week, Crosby has been called a lot of derogatory words by fans of other teams in the NHL: Not tough, whiner, diver, poor leader, Cindy, the P word, the B word, not as good as Johnathan Toews — all of these things would break a lesser man’s spirit, but not Crosby.
And as far as the Johnathan Toews stuff goes, well, fans around the league should be taking notice of what’s happening in Pittsburgh right now. You wanted Crosby to be more like Toews, well now you got it.
Exhibit A from Toews’ track record of being a great leader:
And now Exhibit B:
Toews with the elbow to MoJo's head. No call. pic.twitter.com/pEaV9i2vSb
— StopThrowingHats (@stopthehats) February 28, 2016
Being a good leader loosely translates from Canadian to American as ‘being good at getting away cheap shots’. Johnathan Toews has already blazed this trial that Crosby is walking down right now. The biggest difference between the two right now is Toews still cares more about making opponents look bad, where Crosby cares more about making teammates look good. Case in point: Patrick Kane and Conor Sheary. While Toews has selfishly paid more attention to his leadership brand, he has done absolutely nothing to stop Kane from sodomizing women and punching hard-working taxi drivers who are just trying to make a living and feed their family. This guy would rather take pictures with the Stanley Cup than protect women and the working class. Crosby, on the other hand, took a guy who is only 5-feet-or-so tall and turned him into a giant. Crosby also defended all of Canada when he uppercut O’Reilly in the scrotum for driving his car into a Tim Horton’s, yet Toews is the real leader in the eyes of many Canadians? Something isn’t adding up here.
With the playoffs quickly approaching, Crosby is showing that not only is he completely unaffected by the criticism, but his focus is exactly where it needs to be. There’s a good chance the Pens will meet up with either Columbus or the District of Columbia in the first round, which means there’s a good chance more body parts will be severed. Crosby starting small with a finger is a good step in the right direction for what he may have to do later. It’s much too soon to be hacking off opponents arms and legs, but when people talk about making sure you’re in a good place headed into the postseason, this is exactly what they mean.
After years and years of punishment from other NHL players, Crosby is finally stepping up to the plate and putting everyone on notice that no body parts are safe. Anticipate this all coming full circle when he finally decapitates Brandon Dubinsky, once and for all. And let’s be real, this is what’s best for hockey. The face that runs the place shouldn’t be above what everyone else is already doing. For years and years fans of the NHL have wanted more from Crosby and now they’re getting it.
Also, fans are worried about the NHL culture. Can’t call a guy the “P word” when he’s out there slashing dicks and taking people’s fingers. Go ahead and use that word around Crosby now, see if you leave the game with everything intact. Crosby clearly understands this is the best way to take that word out of the game all together. Changing the culture of the game, while still being its best player is a real show of leadership. Toews should take notice.
AROUND THE LEAGUE
I totally okay with the NHL sitting this one out and maybe heading to the 2022 games in Beijing. First of all, fuck Canada. I’m sick of Canada winning. Gold at Vancouver. Gold in Sochi. Gold at the World Cup. Gold at the last two World Championships. Canada Canada Canada Canada. I can’t take it anymore. I’m not saying that the United States couldn’t upset the Canadians at a hockey rink just south of North Korea. I’m just saying I like their chances a lot more when Crosby and the rest of the Globetrotters are all 4 years further removed from their prime.
And what would the US team in 2018 look like, anyway? Maybe you get Auston Matthews, Jack Eichel, and Johnny Gaudreau. Maybe you get David Backes, Brandon Dubinsky, and Brooks Orpik. Is USA Hockey completely over jerkin’ it to a poster of Jack Johnson wearing the Red, White and Blue? Hard to say for sure.
Plus, the fight between the NHL and the 2018 Winter Olympics committee has been raging on since the very moment that the Sochi games ended. Bettman says he doesn’t want the league to stop for 2 weeks for these guys to play at 5 am EST in South Korea in a tournament that really only Canada and Russia care about anymore. So of course then Alex Ovechkin comes in and says he’s playing in the Olympics regardless of what the NHL says. Then Bettman comes back and says none of the owners want their guys to go to the Olympics because the Olympics are bullshit. Then we get about 1,000 TSN articles quoting Canadian players on how much playing for their country means to them. Now people are actually listening to and actually believing what Gary Bettman says. Jesus, just make it all stop.
Everyone who woke up this morning knows Bettman is full of shit. What we need to do here is read between the lines to understand this level of Bettman. He says, “assume we’re not going”. All we do know for sure is that “assume we’re not going” means absolutely nothing. Could be true, could be false. It’s a “maybe”. It’s a “we’ll see”. It’s a “I don’t want to go but I guess if we have to go”. I do this to my friends all the time. Usually it means I’m not going, but I need to keep that element of surprise window cracked open, just a little, just in case.
THE OTHER SPORTS:
South African Premier League player Mohammed Anas told on himself last week, when he thanked both his wife and his girlfriend in a postgame interview. He has since tried to explain himself, which isn’t going much better, stating: “My family knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said. He says he calls his daughter his girlfriend, but then says he doesn’t have a girlfriend? Woah, buddy, a lot of questions here. First, Did you run this past your daughter first? Is she okay with you calling her your girlfriend? Does she know you broke up with her on national television? How humiliating that must be for her. They say there is nothing more special than the relationship a father has with his daughter, but this guy seems to have blurred the lines, and now the entire world knows about his complicated relationship. Listen, pal, just change your Facebook status to complicated and save us the time. Also, the last thing we need is this trend of muddying the waters with your family members to spread any further than where it’s already gone. Imagine Matt Cullen calling his sons his boyfriends and then having to explain to Dan Potash why he has to break up with them.
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