Luis Tiant Mustache Facts

Once upon a time, I made it my mission on this earth to track down all the information I could about the facial hair of a certain former Milwaukee Brewers bullpen pitcher.

From there, I investigated the intricacies of Tommy John’s Tommy John ligament.  When I was certain I had left no stone unturned, I turned my attention towards a shooting star named Sam Fuld.

After years of retirement, I have returned.

After receiving my newest assignment, I immediately hit the library and began to sift through years of anthropological and archaeological data to find out what I could about the mustache that adorns the face of the newest member of The Hall of Very Good, Luis Tiant.  One of the most underappreciated and oft forgotten facial ornaments of the 20^th century, it was hard for me to believe the level of secrecy his lip sweater was draped in.

However, after fighting off army’s of capuchin monkeys, solving 5,000-year-old riddles written in dead languages, and being forced to eat bananas (the horror!!!)…I bring to you, Luis Tiant Mustache Facts.

• Luis Tiant’s Mustache was cast as the original Lassie, but he was deemed “too rugged” for children.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache doesn’t own the night yet, he has six more payments.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache used to tell Dennis Eckersley’s mustache to get off his lawn.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache can be (and has been) used in a pick-up game of horseshoes.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache choreographed Sally Rand’s famed Fan Dance for the 1934 World’s Fair.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache attached wind turbines to himself in order to power the entire city of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache thinks you look stupid in that hat.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache punched General Douglas MacArthur in the face during World War II, MacArthur thanked him for it.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache takes his coffee with one cream, two sugars, and a dash of chili powder.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache is a Twizzler man, Red Vines make him sick.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache plants a tree for every hair he loses; you’re welcome Amazon Rain Forest.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache caught a great white shark once, but put her back because she was only about 35 feet long.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache fought the law once…they wrote a song about it.
• Luis Tiant’s Mustache invented scented candles, because your house smells worse than you think.

Do you know of a Luis Tiant Mustache Fact that we might have missed?  Share it below.

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The Hall of Very Good™ Class of 2014 is presented by Out of the Park Developments, the creators of the wildly popular baseball simulation game Out of the Park Baseball.  Out of the Park Developments has made a generous donation to The Hall.