The first half of the season has come to a close. So now is the time to look back and hand out awards: the Wisdom-ies!
The “Irish Girl from that one season of Heroes” Award for Storyline That Sort Of Disappeared: Remember how the Royals were getting into bench-clearing incidents every damn day? Where fisticuffs always seemed to be a HBP away? When Yordano Ventura was the bad boy of the American League? Remember that? It wasn’t that long ago! And yet after that week or two of Royal Fight Club, it disappeared, to be replaced by other Royals-related plot lines, like stuffing ballot boxes or fighting the Twins (!!) for the American League Central lead.
The Resurrection Award: Alex Rodriguez was done. The only question was how brilliant of a flame-out it would be, how spectacular the failure and how sad/hilarious the reactions would be. But, no, he went and was good, to the point where some people honestly could claim he was snubbed. I did NOT see that coming.
The Bryce Harper Award for Being Bryce Harper: Bryce Harper, obviously. He’s starting to live up to his potential as the greatest ballplayer on earth, as opposed to previous years, where he wasn’t living up to his potential but still was a great ballplayer.
The “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night” Comeback Award: The Brian Dozier Twins/Bullpen-Imploding Tigers game
The “Just When You Thought You’ve Heard Everything” Award: The Cardinals hacking scandal. What. What. WHAT!?!? THEY DID WHAT!?!
Most Bummer of an Injury: Giancarlo Stanton. The world is a much darker place without you and your dingers.
Biggest Debut: Not Kris Bryant. Not Maikel Franco. Not Carlos Correa. Not Byron Buxton or Miguel Sano. No, it was Steven Matz, who had 4 RBIs in his first big-league start… and he’s a pitcher!
The Fastest Man Alive Award: Billy Hamilton, obviously.
Most Flexible Minor League Reliever: Mark Hamburger
Wisest Man: Ryne Sandberg, who quit before he had to suffer any further indignity managing the 2015 Phillies, who are allegedly a Major League Baseball team, much like in the way mint ice cream is allegedly ice cream (yeah, I went there).
The “Mistakes Were Made” Award: Remember how the Athletics traded away Josh Donaldson? Well, Billy Beane is trying to forget.
The “Forrest Gump of Baseball” Award: Zack Hample, noted ballhawk, catches Alex Rodriguez’s 3000th hit. Because of course he did.
The “Johnny Vander Meer Trembled” Award: Max Scherzer
I’d say more, but the band is playing me off…
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LINKS!
Jonah Keri on why MLB can’t stop the Dodgers from spending “truckloads” of cash on International Free Agents
Matt Wood on “The Tragedy of Donnie Baseball”
Tom Schad on the rough life of Minor League Umpires
SELF-PROMOTION OF THE WEEK: Early “Viral” Baseball Stories
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Enjoy the All-Star Break, everyone!
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