Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys - Bills Edition

Hello, Colts fans. The key to football is to score more points than the other guys.

I know this and you know this, but our friends in the media need something to talk about in order to justify their jobs. Earlier this summer, a certain baseball announcer acknowledged to me that yes, I was right, the team really does just need to score more than the other guys. Yet each time a game rolls around, there he is giving us keys to the game that never include the bit about scoring.

As he is a highly-compensated professional, I figure that the creation of keys that turn no locks must be a growth industry. So now, it’s my turn.

Welcome to Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys

Who: The lowly Indianapolis Colts vs the equally crappy Buffalo Bills.

What: Week 14 of the 2017 NFL season.

Where: New Era Field, Buffalo, NY.

When: 1 PM Eastern, Sunday, December 10th. TV: CBS. Spiro Dedes! Adam Archuleta! Nathan Peterman! Jacoby Brissett! It’s the NFL on CBS! You can see what else is on right here.

Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:

I swear I have no idea. It’s supposed to snow a lot in Buffalo today, so we may have that going for us. I mean, that’s something worth cheering for, right? I guess.

1. A poet and I know it.

‘Twas a night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
“Charles Pagano, what the $%#% are you doing here?”
I invited him in, and slapped him in the face,
“I can’t wait until you no longer occupy the head coaching space.”
Charles remained calm; It was almost scary
“Never worry,” he said, “my team is full of grit!”
I cut him off. “Oh no you don’t. We’ve had enough of your bulls%$%!”
“But I have the perfect play!” he exclaims, then excuses himself.
I pass the time playing with my Charles Pagano voodoo doll elf on the shelf
He returns with a golden encrusted sleigh and a gleam in his eye
I cringe and announce, “What does it take to fire this guy?”
“Here’s what we’ll do” he says.
Right about then I’m thinking I’d rather watch the Cowgirls and Dez.
And then Charles whistled, and he shouted, and he called them by name:
“Now Moncrief! now Rogers! now Haeg and Person!
On Vujnovich!, on Williams! on, Castonzo and Hilton!”
“To the end zone! Not far from that wall!”
“Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Brissett too
Away to the end zone they flew…

QB keeper. Touchdown!

2. Colts cheerleader Sable D.

I’ve not had the pleasure of conversading with Sable, but you can bet your life she agrees the Colts will win because Brisket will score on a QB keeper while riding a sleigh pulled by his teammates.

Let’s see what Sable is up to these days…