So quick backstory. Here I am catching the elevator today after the grind of another 9-5, and I pull out my phone to catch up on twitter (as if I don’t do that no less than 50 times/day during a normal workday to speed up the clock). I’m scrolling through Ronaldo this, Ronaldo that, and BAM. I see this tweet:
https://twitter.com/NBCSCapitals/status/1007617555756978176
I mean, can we take up any more real estate in Capitals fans brains than we already do? Your team just won the goddamn Stanley Cup, and you’re chirping big brother (who’s dusted you up no less than 20 times in the second round of the playoffs) eight days later about how your team finally didn’t shit the bed in embarrassing fashion for the first time in franchise history. It’s pathetic. Just another example of DC sports’ inferiority complex poking its ugly head.
And here’s the funny part. I, like I’m sure is the case for most Pens fans, was genuinely happy to see Ovi win his first cup. For all the shit we give him and other longtime Caps players, you can’t help but respect the talent. After all, we all knew it was only a matter of time before they finally knocked us off whether or not we wanted to believe it. So it ultimately happened and get this – it didn’t sting as bad as I thought it would. In fact, it was actually a stress reliever. We don’t have to worry about our team defending the throne for the third consecutive season. Instead, it will be little brother who will probably win about 12 games next year since Ovi will still be hungover from celebrating for three straight months (which has actually been fun to watch).
So while it’s nice and all to see Ovi and company finally do it, it’s just as nice to know we still dominant their fans’ thought patterns. I mean, even in the face of victory, they still lose. In some cases, it was minutes after the final whistle of Game 5:
Apologize to Alex Ovechkin right now. You know who you are. You have until morning.
— Grant Paulsen (@granthpaulsen) June 8, 2018
Apologize to Brooks Orpik right now.
— Grant Paulsen (@granthpaulsen) June 8, 2018
Apologize to Barry Trotz right now. You have until morning.
— Grant Paulsen (@granthpaulsen) June 8, 2018
In other cases, it was eight days later (presumably it took that long for the dickhead running the NBC Sports Capitals account to quit jerking off to Alex Ovechkin’s Instagram stories to finally take his shot). Look, I’m not telling NBC Sports Capitals what to do, but I’d be so embarrassed by today’s tweet that I’d fire this guy (or girl) immediately.
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