BMR Official Press Release (6/22)

Thank you all for coming today. I am joined today by my agent, Sparky the Dragon, and webhost, Blogger.

The reason I am here is to set the story straight and address rumors of my departure. Since the Stanley Cup Finals ended, my appearances here have been sparse. Ryan from Victoria Times has filled in, and to be honest, the site has fallen into a post-Finals hangover. But look, it’s hard to get a tan when you don’t have a laptop. This is a problem I am working to remedy.

Getting back on point, there is one rumor in particular that I want to address that has been floating around the interwebs for quite sometime. A few sources have quoted me as saying that I am “all about the benjamins” and looking to sign as a blogger with the upstart Russian KHL. I would like you all to know that these rumors are completely false. In fact, that would be the worst career move I could possibly make considering that I can’t speak a word of Russian and don’t like cold weather. Additionally, Blogger and my agent are currently working on a new contract. Details cannot be confirmed yet, but they are offering me an iTunes gift card in the $10-25 range.

Again, there is no truth to the rumor that I am looking to transfer to Russia. I would now like to open the floor to any questions that you may have.

Fin the Orca: eeeoooooooo ssasapppp iiiiioooooooo

Sorry, I can’t understand whale speak. Next.

Jeremy Roenick: I would like to make it known that I will not be leaving for Russia, either. What I am doing is leaving for Cancun on Wednesday and all the ladies should be prepared!

Um, good to know.

James Mirtle: I’d like to address something that hasn’t yet been brought up. Is there any truth to the rumor that you have been trying to acquire Paul Stastny?

There is some truth to that rumor. I have been trying to sign Stastny, but so far he has not returned my phone calls. Driving by his house when I know he’s home has also proved unsuccessful thus far.

Pensblog: Where’s the bar?

Around the corner to the right.

(everyone leaves)

OK, well… Um… I guess I’d like to thank everyone for coming and have a great summer!
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BallHype – BMR Official Press Release (6/22)
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