Who: The Jacksonville Jaguars vs. the Indianapolis Colts.
What: Week 11 of the 2019 NFL season.
Where: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN.
When: 1 PM Eastern, Sunday, November 17th. TV: CBS. We get the awesome duo of Andrew Catalon and HoF WR James Lofton, and by “awesome” I mean “average.”
Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:
1. Luck
No, no, no, no that guy. Stop it already. You people are reaching for something that simply isn’t there.
Last Sunday was an absolute embarrassment for the entire organization. The offense scored ZERO points in the first half against statistically THE WORST DEFENSE IN THE NFL. Read that again. I know Frank Reich knows a hell of a lot more about football than I ever will, but if he can come up with a legitimate excuse for what happened with the play calling at the end of the game, then I’m ready to listen. Disgusting.
Coming into Miami, the Colts were looking at a follow stretch of three straight division games. I can’t pretend to know what Reich was thinking, but one of two things happened: 1) Brisket is hurt worse than they’re saying or 2) they legit thought they could beat Miami with Hoyer. Going with option 2 is fine except….Brian Hoyer sucks. It was on full display Sunday, and the display ends with one of the most embarrassing losses in recent Colts history.
*exhales*
Now the Hags are in town with a defense minus Jalen “I got blown up by Mark Glowinski” Ramsey, but still good. Remember last season when Andrew Luck & company went down to Florida and didn’t score a point?
UPDATE:
The game is over. It’s been over for 6 hours. Yes, I am finishing the article anyway. That’s the type of commitment that demands your respect, or something. Truth is, I had an idea in mind, but was summoned to hang out with my beloved QC. One thing led to another, and next thing ya know it’s 2 in the morning and everyone’s ready for bed. I do not apologize and can’t wait to do it again.
But this is how I saw it going down:
The Colts start slowly, still on that Miami hangover. The offense looks sluggish, and the defense allows the noodle-armed Nick Foles to pick them apart for an easy touchdown. Here we go again…
But wait! The offense begins to bludgeon the Hags on the ground, the defense steps up, and soon the game is right there for the taking…
It’s 3rd and goal from the 1. Quenton Nelson is announced as eligible, and he lines up at fullback. Here’s the snap, the give is to Big Q, and…they rule it a touchdown, but it looks like he’s short. Nelson’s keg stand TD celebration is the greatest thing we’ve ever seen. CBS cuts to commercial while Referee Shawn Hochuli heads off to the monitor to review the play.
As Hochuli approaches the replay camera, he is met by a disheveled looking man with a thick beard, and wearing…an officials uniform, duh. The two men have a brief conversation which ends with a handshake, and Hochuli smiling and stuffing his hand in his pocket.
When CBS returns from the break, no one notices Hochuli is missing. The disheveled looking man flips on the mic and gives the call: “After review, the runner was short of the line to gain, but you never overturn a f***ing TD that ends with a keg stand TD dance. The ruling on the field is confirmed.”
With that, the disheveled looking man throws a penalty flag, eludes security, and races down the tunnel, never to be seen again. When security finds the flag, they discover it reads “I gave my heart to this team!”
Quenton Nelson and the Colts really broke out the keg stand 😂
(via @Colts) pic.twitter.com/u8hjwvZaLS
— ESPN (@espn) November 17, 2019
2. Jess
When I asked why the Colts will score more than the other guys, this is what she had to say:
“Because Florida has too many football teams. Share with Montana and the Dakotas. Those guys got nothing going for them in the winter.”
Me: “Sharing is caring?”
Jess: “But seriously. 3 teams. In a sinking state. Makes no sense.”
Hey, no argument here. Can’t wait for the NFL to keep the North Dakota Bucaneers in the NFC South “to preserve rivalries.”
3. Colts cheerleader Rachel J
Rachel is my favorite Colts CC. She’s an awesome lady who will do great things in life. This is her in the middle:
Now flying solo for these next two
Look at that smile and those eyes.
Colts 33, Hags 13
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