Somwhere right now Ottawa Senators GM Bryan Murray is petting a black cat and cackling. After a long summer of torturing Dany Heatley and holding him in Murray’s own personal purgatory, Heats was finally traded. But there’s a catch. There’s always a catch. I imagine the phone call went something like this:
*Phone rings at CJ’s Gentleman’s Club*
Front desk staff: Hello?
Bryan Murray: Hi, is Dany Heatley there?
Front desk staff: Umm… Why, yes he is. One moment. May I ask who is calling?
Bryan Murray: Tell him it’s Daddy.
*Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue is the hold music*
Dany Heatley: Hi, Douchebag.
Bryan Murray: What’s with the hostility, Danny Boy?
Dany Heatley: Fuck you.
Bryan Murray: My, my what a mouth. Look I’m going to keep this short. I had a revelation and I decided to finally trade you.
Dany Heatley: What??? That’s awesome!!
Bryan Murray: Oh, it is. Because you’ve been traded to the Sharks! BAHAHAHAHA
Dany Heatley: NOOOO!! YOU SON OF A BEEOTCH!!
Bryan Murray: BAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! Oh God that was awesome. I wish I could see the look on your face. OH MAN. WOW. That was as funny as I thought it would be.
Dany Heatley: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I’M GONNA…
*click*
—–
Yeah, that’s probably how it went. So now Heats goes from Bryan Murray’s Purgatory to a kind of hockey hell. He’s never going to win a playoff series and has to play in the shadow of Joe Thornton. So much for being the big man on campus. Maybe he’ll be asking to go back to Ottawa. I’m not really sure which situation is worse. Get paid to not play hockey or get paid to play hockey and still be in a situation you don’t like.
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