***Welcome to a sod farm in Thunder Bay, Ontario!***
Mama_Staal: Well, it sure is nice to have all four of your boys here again! It’s been a while.
Staal_Daddy: Yeah, it’s nice the police let you all back here. Last time they weren’t so understanding. But, the charges got dropped and we got off with a warning, so it’s all good! STAAL ROLL CALL!
STAAL-E: Eric Staal, Carolina Hurricanes, and STANLEY CUP CHAMPION! WOOO!
STAAL-E: /shotguns beer
Staal_boy11: Jordan Staal, Pittsburgh Penguins and STANLEY CUP CHAMPION! WOOO!
Staal_boy11:/shotguns beer
IWantItStaal: Jared Staal….uh, Sudbury Wolves. But I was drafted by the Phoenix Coyotes!
IWantItStaal: /tries to shotgun beer, but misses the can and opens beer normally
DontStaalSoClose2Me: Marc Staal, New York Rangers, and uh….I play for the Rangers.
DontStaalSoClose2Me: /drinks apple juice
Mama_Staal: It’ll be a while before my special Stanley Cup Casserole is ready , so what do you boys want to do first?
IWantItStaal: Let’s light fireworks!
STAAL-E: Let’s jump some random piles of crap with some motorized thingy!
Staal_boy11: Let’s play “get drunk and yell at cars!”
STAAL-E: Screw that, you always cheat.
DontStaalSoClose2Me: Let’s play charades!
STAAL-E:…
IWantItStaal: The hell is that?
Staal_boy11: Whatever you say, queermo.
DontStaalSoClose2Me: That’s…that’s not even a word, you dumb redneck!
STAAL-E: You watch your mouth about my brother!
Mama_Staal: Boys, cut that out! Marc, quit being a namby-pamby pansy.
Staal_Daddy: Boys, listen to your mother.
Staal_boy11: Haha, that sounds like this one time, me and Geno went to this restaurant and Geno’s like “Waffles” and the guy was like “but we don’t serve waffles, it’s 2 in the afternoon.” And then Geno starts talking in his crazy Russian stuff, and the guy’s all, “Get out, I don’t speak French or whatever.” Then we went in the bathroom and stole a crapload of those little decorative soaps.
IWantItStaal: Cool story, bro.
Staal_Daddy: Boys, let’s all work together on something. I got an old Ford Explorer that needs fixing.
DontStaalSoClose2Me: But are you sure that we can all fix it. I am fully aware that I am no mechanic. Perhaps it would be prudent to leave this to a professional.
STAAL-E: I dunno dad, how much beer do we got?
Staal_Daddy: I’ve been working on it all day, but I count…about four two-fours.
Staal_boy11: Well, we can start, at least.
Staal_Daddy: OK, Jordan and Eric, you guys get in the front there, and start the car. Tell me if the check engine light is on.
STAAL-E: It’s on!
Staal_boy11: it’s off!
STAAL-E: It’s on!
Staal_boy11: it’s off!
STAAL-E: It’s on!
Staal_boy11: it’s off!
Staal_Daddy: BOYS, THAT’S CALLED BLINKING.
Staal_boy11: Oh yeah…
IWantItStaal: Man, you guys are so dumb.
STAAL-E: Hey Jared, it looks like the house is tipping a little bit. Would you mind going to that side and holding it up?
IWantItStaal: Sure! I can do that!
Staal_boy11: Just make sure you don’t move, or else the house will fall down. You have to hold that wall up.
IWantItStaal: OK!
STAAL-E: How long you think he’ll fall for it this time?
Staal_boy11: Last time was about 9 hours. Over/under?
DontStaalSoClose2Me: You shouldn’t be so mean to poor Jared. It’s not his fault that he’s so gullible.
Staal_boy11: Just ‘cause it’s not his fault doesn’t mean it’s not hilarious. Why, I laughed my butt of when I convinced him to run naked through the blackberry patch or else the grass monster would get him.
Staal_Daddy: When was that?
Staal_boy11: Last year.
STAAL-E: Well, I’ve done all I know about this car. I think we need to examine it more and drink more beer.
Staal_boy11: You know what’s wrong with it? It’s a Ford. You know what Ford stands for? “Fix it again, Tony!”
DontStaalSoClose2Me: Jordan, that spells Fiat. And that’s not even your joke–you heard it on “King of the Hill.”
Staal_boy11: So?
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