Talkin’ Baseball (Seriously) with Kato Kaelin

Every so often you have one of those moments where you come across something or someone and you know that somehow, some way, you just have to make it work.

Such is the case with the following interview.

I’ve been a fan of Kato Kaelin since I first saw him dominate the O.J. Simpson trial more than 15 years ago, but I’ll be honest…I really knew nothing about him. And to be honest, I had no clue how I would ever make Kato Kaelin relevant to this website.

Until now.

You see, thanks to the internet, I found out that Kaelin didn’t originally go to Los Angeles to pursue acting…he actually left the Midwest to pursue a baseball career.

HOVG: I’ve read interviews where you talked about the circumstances the brought you to California…is it true you hit the West Coast in hopes of becoming a baseball player?

KATO: Yes, that is TRUE. I pitched at Nicolet (High School in Glendale, Wisconsin) and I made the Varsity my Freshman year and thought, “wow, I must be good”. We went to State my Junior year and were runner up. I went to Wisconsin Eau Claire (for college) and made the team, but my dream was Cal State Fullerton…where the best baseball players went. When I got to Cal State Fullerton, I saw that they did have the best players and hung up the glove. Plus, I started getting into theatre and emceeing gigs. I continued playing baseball in other California leagues just for fun.

HOVG: You were a pitcher. Did you have a specialty pitch? Where did you top out at on the radar gun?

KATO: My specialty pitch was a knuckle curve. I’m not kidding when I tell you that it would drop off at the plate and would strike out a lot of batters. Glory days! I topped off at 89mph….not bad. I was a right-handed Ron Guidry. After most pitches my body would be almost flat to the ground. Did I mention glory days?

HOVG: A quick Google search led me to a page on IMDB.com that listed you as the 43rd “Most Popular Person” born in Milwaukee…right between some guy named Jacob Latimore and after some chick named Sonia Sorel. Let’s talk about your beloved Brewers. Growing up a fan…who were your favorite ball players?

KATO: 43rd most popular? Wow…that is insulting. I thought I’d be higher. Damn that (Jeffrey) Dahmer. My favorite players were Robin Yount and Paul Molitor. I liked most of “Harvey’s Wallbangers”. You’ve got to love a manager with one leg. I always thought it might be a good gimmick to have Gorman Thomas come to bat holding (manager) Harvey Kuenn’s prosthetic leg.

HOVG: I grew up less than 90 minutes from County Stadium and some of my favorite memories were seeing a number of Brewers games every summer and the inevitable stories that would come with each visit. What’s your favorite County Stadium memory?

KATO: It isn’t my favorite memory but it is a memory. I went to a game with my neighbor Bunky Parker one time and I must have eaten two full bags of peanuts in the shell. Yes, I ate the peanuts…shell and all. I missed most of the game because I had severe diarrhea for at least seven straight innings. Glory days.

HOVG: I’ve gotta ask, what is more likely to happen first…O.J. admits guilt or the Brewers win the World Series?

KATO: I don’t think O.J. will ever admit guilt so it has to be a Brewers World Series. With that said, the owner, Mark Attanasio, MUST get some fricking pitching. How frustrating is it to see Brewer pitching suck year after year? We need to find a Tim Lincecum or go get Tim Lincecum. I would volunteer my services to get the team back to respectability.

HOVG: What’s next, man, what do you have in the pipeline?

KATO: The more things change the more things remain the same. I would love to get a radio show doing sports or entertainment in my beloved city of Milwaukee, but in the meantime look for me as the “Lopez Tonight Official Timekeeper of the Fifteen Minutes of Fame” on TBS (video below), and hosting comedy shows across America. Go Packers, Brewers, Bucks, Admirals, UWM, UW and Marquette! If I forgot your school I apologize. Oh…and go Nicolet Knights!

HOVG: Any chance that next time you hit Milwaukee…can we do a game at Miller Park?

KATO: Airline ticket to Milwaukee…$450.00. Car rental…$150.00. Tickets to game…$55.00. Sitting next to Shawn from The Hall of Very Good…PRICELESS.

You can keep up to date with all things Kato by visiting Kaelin’s website.  And if you find yourself in the Scottsdale, Arizona area this New Year’s Eve…check him out at The Comedy Spot.