Because we here at 18to88.com believe that Peyton Manning is the best quarterback in the league, we have no fear of comparisons with Tom Brady. Especially not in the humor department. We are going to do a blow by blow of the skits that starred the two qbs. So without further ado, here is a skit by skit comparison of the two stints:
Opening Monologue
Tom Brady: song and dance about how he was good at everything.
Verdict: 3 stars
Peyton Manning: monologue focusing on giving ass-kickings to old Patriots fans and disappointment in his mom not making the NFL
Verdict: 2 stars. Peyton gets downgraded for using the same joke that was hilarious and funnier on Letterman.
Digital Short
Tom Brady: a sexual harassment video that focused on Brady being hot. It was funny.
Verdict: 3 stars
Peyton Manning: United Way commercial about Peyton being a bad influence on kids. One of the funniest things to appear on SNL in many, many years. “SHUT THE DOOR!”
Verdict: 5 stars. a true classic
Sketch
Carnival Games: Tom Brady sucks at throwing a football. This was high comedy for me. It’s funny ’cause it’s true
Verdict: 4 stars
Bronx Talk: Manning plays a straight man to Pohler and Ruldolph.
Verdict: 2 stars
Sketch
Dr Phil: Tom Brady is a dude who can’t understand his woman’s needs.
Verdict: 2 stars
ESPN pool party: Manning is a college bball analyst that gets beat by a woman. They both chide him for ‘pulling a Manning’
Verdict: 3 stars for Manning having courage to make fun of himself big time
Sketch
The Falconer: Brady plays a drifter. The Falconer is always funny/not funny/insane. This was no exception
Verdict: 2.5 stars
Half Time Speech: Manning plays a disheartened senior getting blown out in his last game. This sketch had it all: great lines, self deprecation, and a funny dance
Verdict: 4 stars
Commercial Parody
Tom Brady’s Falafel city: ugh. A very unfunny retread that will never live up to Derek Jeter’s taco hole
Verdict: 1 star
Meatloaf Mercedes: a bizarre and over the top parody of a Mercedes commercial. Maybe not as funny as it could have been, but very solid.
Verdict: 3 stars
Sketch
Catlin: Brady worries about giving up the single life.
verdict: realistic given present circumstances but still dumb 1 star
300: Manning plays a dude that can’t figure out how to throw a boulder. Wha??? The most inexplicable sketch of the night
verdict: 1 star
Last sketch of the night
Backstage: Brady runs into McNabb and Manning. Whatever.
Verdict: 2 stars
On the porch: One of the greatest last 5 minutes sketches in SNL history. Manning ruled hard core and delivered one of the funniest lines of all time-“I walked around with a piece of sliced ham in my pants for the past two days just so I could have my own secret”. Out of nowhere this skit stole the show.
Verdict: 5 stars
Bonus: Manning starred in one more sketch than Brady did because he’s funnier than pretty boy. The “Jenny the boasting friend” sketch wasn’t hilarious, but was a funny take on that person we all know.
verdict: 2 stars.
THE FINAL TALLY:
Brady – 18.5 stars
Manning – 27 stars
Not only was Manning more funny on the whole than Tommy Boy, but he actually managed to be in several skits that were genuinely funny, while starring in a true classic in the United Way skit. Plus since he was clearly better in every way, they put him in an extra sketch.
So there you have it folks, when it comes to hosting a once relevant, past-it’s prime sketch comedy show, Peyton Manning is better than Tom Brady. Add it to the list of things which Peyton does better than Tom. That list currently includes:
Making Probowls
throwing for more yards
throwing for more TDs
having a higher qb rating even though Brady plays in a West Coast offense
Winning with a historically bad defense
Throwing the deep ball
doing commercials
not impregnating ex-girlfriends
Having a dad who is a quarterback
and now…
hosting SNL.
Now that he’s started winning Super bowls, Manning is taking great strides to permanently erasing Brady’s name from people’s minds. Brady will be lucky to be remembered like Troy Aikman when he’s done. Good, won some rings, but not really one of the best ever.
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