With the end of the season nigh, it’s time to peek at the Portland Trail Blazers and their 29 fellow NBA franchises. Some of these teams were good before stinking, others stunk before turning it around, a select few were great throughout the season, and the rest were bad to awful.
I will list them in worst-to-best fashion, so we can get the smell of rotting fish and suckitude out of the way, to be swept clean at the end by the sweet fragrance of great basketball. This time, they won’t be sorted by number. Instead, I have some categories to sort them in.
Without further ado, let’s get this going!
Vomit-Covered Corpses
New York Knicks: Look, I’m not trying to be mean. That’s just what I think about when I watch the Knicks in action.
If they lose out, they’ll have the worst record in the league. They’ve spent the season eradicating certain veterans, yet they still have Andrea Bargiani (AKA the guy that was drafted over LaMarcus Aldridge) and his horrible contract, which Toronto GM Masai Ujiri pretty much forced the Knicks to take at gunpoint. They have Carmelo Anthony, who is 30, makes $20 million-plus a season, has bad knees, and hogs the ball with impunity.
President Phil Jackson will have a top-five pick, but the pipe dream of having Marc Gasol come play for the Knicks is just that, a pipe dream. Aldridge also is unlikely to go to Gotham; he and Anthony are devastating one-on-one players, but unfortunately for the Knicks, there’s just one ball.
Derek Fisher’s comments about doing much better next season are insipid and clueless. Unless the Knicks shock the world with a few great signings, make a smart trade or two, and/or have their draft pick blossom really quickly, they’ll suck almost as badly next year.
Young and Bad…With a Plan!
Minnesota Timberwolves: These guys are tied with the Knicks for worst record, but unlike the Knicks, there’s a smidgen of hope, in the form of Andrew Wiggins.
The budding Canadian sensation, in combination with point guard Ricky Rubio, whomever the Wolves draft this year, and whomever coach/president Flip Saunders chooses to keep out of the veterans on this year’s squad, could be the first legitimate team Minnesota’s had since Kevin Garnett was traded.
Also, Garnett was traded back to Minny this season. The good karma of having Garnett around, and the wisdom he can (and will) spout, can only help these guys.
Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers are young, bad, and they have a plan, but whether that plan is good…no one can really say, though EVERYBODY has an opinion about the brazen way GM Sam Hinkie has torn apart this team.
When the Blazers have played the Sixers, I’ve made my thoughts known in my weekly preview columns. But one development I’m slightly confused about is trading away Michael Carter-Williams after only one and a half seasons. I know he’s a terrible shooter, but shooting’s the one skill that can truly get better if you work hard at it.
They’ve wanted to trade him for awhile, but sooner or later, they’re going to have to field a team. You can buy as many lottery tickets as you want, but there are only a few times you can strike out before you’re fired, and the owner finds a guy with the next best plan.
Orlando Magic: They need a competent coach. They need a guy that can establish a system and a way to play. That’s really it.
Retaining Tobias Harris, who is a restricted free agent, could be a bank-breaker. It could also be totally vital or totally useless, depending on how you look at it.
Harris is a 6-9 hybrid forward who shoots 36% from three-point range, a decent enough number to warrant attention behind the arc. His traditional stats have gone up–dramatically–every year he’s played, which is a good sign; the young man will bust his butt to get better, and he’s earned his playing time increases year by year.
His field-goal shooting, though, has remained flat, and if there were plans to play Harris at the four, to stretch defenses, the signing of Channing Frye, a veteran stretch guy, to a contract that has three years left on it after this one scuttles that idea. Harris could play on the wing, but Victor Oladipo is starting to blossom, and Harris’ shooting isn’t good enough for him just to stand out there and jack all night. Plus, he’s just too good for that role.
Orlando’s a team worth watching, especially in the wretched East.
The WTF Division
Los Angeles Lakers: I thought about lumping the Lakers in with the Knicks, but they actually have a chance to land free agents because shallow-minded NBA players love playing in glamorous places, and while LA wasn’t my cup of tea when I was there, it attracts many more people than it drives away.
The Lakers land in this area because Byron Scott just might be the worst coach in the NBA not named Derek Fisher. Sure, he’s got limited talent around him, but when you compare Scott to a guy like Brad Stevens, the resident wizard of the Boston Celtics, or Quin Snyder, who’s leading the revival of the Utah Jazz, Scott falls laughably short.
Scott only got the Lakers job because he’s Magic Johnson’s best buddy, and the children of the late Dr. Jerry Buss run the team he left behind like a mom-and-pop store instead of the world-recognized brand it has become.
Forget the talent on the court; that will sort itself out because the Lakers are the Lakers. The Lakers need to get a guy who’s in touch with the modern NBA, and a personable character, on that head coach seat.
Too bad they can’t clone Steve Kerr.
Sacramento Kings: To be honest, the players the Kings have aren’t that bad. DeMarcus Cousins, nicknamed Boogie, is a blue-chipper at center. Rudy Gay has found his destiny as a capable second banana on the perimeter. The supporting players, including point guard Darren Collison and shooter Nik Stauskas, hilariously rechristened “Sauce Castillo” by the Sacramento faithful, can be molded into an effective unit by George Karl, who came out of retirement because he sees untapped potential in these guys.
Unfortunately, Kings owner Vivek Ranadive is one of those new breed of owners, the “tech owners,” guys who made their billions in the fast-paced environment of Silicon Valley. To provide a metaphor, Ranadive thinks in weeks, while the business of the NBA, especially when it concerns players, goes by years.
His impatience has led him to employ three head coaches in a season, and has franchise icon Vlade Divac, who’s pretty much been sitting on a couch for ten solid years, making personnel decisions.
Irrational, misinformed, or just plain eccentric, Ranadive is well on track to joining the NBA’s long list of inept owners.
Denver Nuggets: The Nuggets’ front office hired a coach in Brian Shaw who was both unfit for the players they have and a sour human being wont to throw his players under the bus for not trying hard enough, and other slights.
They were mostly true later on, but I thought this choice by Denver was ill-advised to start with; they wanted to bring in the antithesis to Karl more than they wanted to bring in a coach fit for their team.
Also, as Shaw found out the hard way, unless you’re Phil Jackson or Gregg Popovich, you can’t dump on your players publicly like that; hell, even Pop has softened with age. Calling guys out in the media isn’t a motivational tactic anymore, it’s an insult and a sign of dysfunction. Hopefully, the next guy Denver brings in gets that.
Detroit Pistons: Normally, a team helmed by Stan Van Gundy wouldn’t make a guy say “WTF?,” but the season the Pistons have had demands that treatment, to be honest.
Basically firing Josh Smith by eating the rest of his massive deal just to make him go away, then seeing their point guard Brandon Jennings get injured for the season, making a charge to their first playoff berth in years, then seeing their charge peter out after Jennings got hurt, and capping it off with a trade that sent solid veterans D.J. Augustin and Kyle Singler away in exchange for Reggie Jackson, who’s only interested in getting numbers and looking for a big payday, and who happens to play point guard…which is the same position as the key to the Pistons’ offense, Jennings.
I think “WTF?” sums that up pretty well.
Phoenix Suns: Despite being better than the teams I’ve listed above, Phoenix’s handling of their point guard situation is a perfect fit for this section. Trading away an All-NBA-caliber point guard in Goran Dragic and getting back Brandon Knight, who won’t ever be in Dragic’s league as a point, is bad enough.
But signing Isaiah Thomas at the start of the season, letting him mess up the great chemistry this team had last year, then dealing him to the Celtics for scraps in a three-team trade…and letting their juicy draft pick they’d receive from the Lakers as part of the Steve Nash deal go to Philadelphia!?
Whaaa…!?
Hold That Elevator, We’re Going Up!
Boston Celtics: A team whose best players are Avery Bradley, dwarf-sized Isaiah Thomas, and fatso Jared Sullinger should have no business sniffing .500 and being the seventh seed, even in the East, but that’s where resident wizard Brad Stevens has this season’s Celtics.
Perhaps the Celtics front office, desperate for the star player they know they need, didn’t want this success; a high draft pick, with a draft awash in the kind of talent Boston needs, would serve this squad better. I choose to look at the other side of the coin, where these young guys, and their young coach, could benefit from a few games of playoff experience against the Cleveland Cavaliers, their opponent if the standings hold up.
Despite the talent on the court, the future is very bright in Boston. They have a front office, led by Danny Ainge, that’s proven they can get talent. They also have a coach in Stevens who can get the most out of what Ainge gives him. That kind of partnership is the bedrock of championship teams.
Utah Jazz: After trading their fans’ new villain Enes Kanter (the Jazz fans actually have a new name for Kanter that my editor won’t let me type because he’s a square), Utah has transformed into a defensive beast. Whether that can be sustained will be answered next season, when teams have 30 or so games of tape and a whole summer to digest it.
I do know that if this team played in the East, Utah would have a better record than the next team on this list. Gordon Hayward and Derrick Favors are keepers capable of growing their games more, and Rudy Gobert has the potential to be the kind of rim-running, defensive-minded monster that can serve as a franchise centerpiece.
Like Orlando, Utah’s a team to watch next season. Don’t be surprised if, with the right move, the Jazz make a run at a playoff spot in 2016.
Milwaukee Bucks: As I’m typing this at around 3:00 Monday afternoon, the Bucks are at 40-40, .500 with two games to go. They’re the sixth seed in the East, not a grand accomplishment in the big picture, but consider for a moment where this team was last year.
The Bucks won 15 games all of last year. They had the worst record in the league, and got beat out for Andrew Wiggins because Cleveland sacrificed innocent virgins to rig the lottery in their favor for the third time in four years. I don’t think they’ll complain about having Jabari Parker, but Parker tore up his knee in December and hasn’t played a game since.
They were horrid last year, and their savior hasn’t done all that much this year. So why the epic turnaround? Their coach, Jason Kidd, and their other young phenom, Giannis Antetokounmpo, along with a defense that is long, young, and nasty, have fueled a transformation that could take the league by storm in the latter half of the 2010s…if Parker returns, and he and the Greek Freak realize their potential.
“Like, Literally?”
“Yeah, Like, Literally. Ugh!”
Charlotte Hornets, Brooklyn Nets: As I was walking to the corner store, looking to acquire my 14th Red Bull of the day, I came across this young couple who said the word literally, like, literally, every other word.
I don’t know what they were talking about, but they apparently liked using literally quite a bit, and they were well matched for each other. If I find a girl that likes sports, imbibing huge amounts of sugar, and making snide jokes at all and sundry, that would be awesome.
Anyway, the quote heading this section reminds me of the Hornets and Nets. Veteran teams that were in the playoffs last year, Charlotte’s now officially out, while Brooklyn’s in a deathmatch with Indiana for the eight spot. I want the Pacers to win because the Nets are soulless, incompetently run, and Atlanta-Indiana last year was a fun playoff series…for me, anyway.
Both the Nets and Hornets took a step back, and they both embody the idea of heartless, soul-sucking mediocrity.
Like, literally.
Injuries Are A Bummer
Indiana Pacers: Paul George is back! That’s the good news. The bad news is that he came back in April, because he suffered perhaps the most gruesome basketball injury in recent memory last summer playing in Team USA’s training camp.
Whether the Pacers make the postseason is immaterial next to George’s health, but if he really is good to go, I want to see what he could do against Atlanta. The Pacers were going to take a step back anyway because Lance Stephenson left for Charlotte, but they were still a solid playoff team because Paul George is a boss.
That they have to scrap for a seat at the table is a shame, and slots them in this section.
Miami Heat: We can’t discuss the Pacers without mentioning their erstwhile rivals in South Beach, and their own rotten injury luck this year. Dwyane Wade’s injury issues are well known; he’s guaranteed to miss at least 20 games a year now.
It’s Chris Bosh that is the bummer here. Just after the Heat traded for Dragic, Bosh suffered blood clots in his lungs that hospitalized him. He ended up missing the season, and was lucky to still be alive; as all Blazer fans know, local legend Jerome Kersey lost his life to that same condition just days before Bosh was hospitalized.
I want two things for Bosh: first, that he makes a full recovery, and second, for Dragic to resign with the Heat. A pick-and-roll wizard like Dragic combined with perhaps the most versatile big man in the NBA in Bosh, along with Luol Deng, whatever Wade can give, and the usual cadre of role players Pat Riley attracts to Miami, could be a really good team in the East.
That we didn’t get to see that team this year qualifies as a bummer.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Here is the biggest injury bummer of all. Thanks to Kevin Durant’s foot troubles, and Russell Westbrook missing the first month of the season with a broken hand, the Thunder started out 3-14 before righting the ship, only for Durant’s foot to fail him completely, and now Serge Ibaka hurt his knee, weakening the OKC defense to the point of helplessness thanks to Enes Kanter being slow and lazy, and Steven Adams being a foul-machine thug.
About Durant: I know there are some Blazer fans that don’t care a whit that Durant’s injured because Portland selected Greg Oden over him, only to see Durant blossom into the league’s second-best player while Oden became another Portland draft bust. Those fans see Durant getting hurt and think it’s karma going in our favor at last, since the Blazers were positioned to supplant the Thunder in the Northwest Division.
I also know there are many Sonics fans in Seattle that read articles on OSN, and we have many Seattle natives writing here, that see the Thunder’s struggles this year and think, “#^$% you Clay Bennett!!!” Bennett stole the team out from under the Sonics faithful, and there will be bitterness always. Seeing his team fall apart, with Durant’s free agency coming up in 2016, makes some folks up there feel a sense of vindication.
Basketball fans in the Northwest have very good reasons for rooting against Durant and his team, and they’re free to do so. I understand it, even if I don’t like it or approve of it. I want the Blazers to win as badly as anybody, but I also want to see Durant succeed, and realize his full potential as a top-50 player of all time.
Durant losing a season is a crime against the game of basketball, and if these foot troubles persist like Larry Bird’s back troubles shortened his career, it would be a great disappointment. I love watching basketball, and Kevin Durant makes watching basketball more awesome. That’s what it really comes down to, for me.
Anthony Davis, Our Future Overlord
New Orleans Pelicans: The team that’s tied with the Thunder as of Monday morning has the head-to-head tiebreaker over them, like I mentioned yesterday. Seeing Davis go up against the best team in the league in the playoffs…that would be better even than seeing Westbrook eat Stephen Curry’s lunch for four games before Oklahoma City gets swept.
Davis is a 22-year-old phenom with great athleticism, a huge wingspan, an offensive game that lets him score from anywhere inside the arc, and a package of skills and attributes that could make him the most dominating defensive player since Hakeem Olajuwon.
When a guy’s basketball ceiling is “a better version of Hakeem Olajuwon,” he’s a really special player. Already a top-five/ten player in the NBA, Davis will be the very best in short order. Whether he win any titles…that depends on the Pelicans management, and the players they put around this alien freak that came down to Earth for the sole purpose of dominating our quaint game of basketball.
This Year’s Playoff Also-Rans
Portland Trail Blazers: After the injuries this team’s sustained, they get knocked down from the second tier to here. If you’re asking why they don’t belong with the “Injuries are a Bummer” teams, well, Portland’s had more success this year than those other teams. They won a division, they have an unstoppable superstar, and they may yet surprise whomever they’ll play in the postseason.
The Blazers have nothing else to lose at this point. It’s time to go all-out, fire all the bullets in the chamber, and see what happens. When we know who Portland will play, we’ll have breakdowns on Oregon Sports News for you; mine will be on Friday.
Washington Wizards, Toronto Raptors: The Wizards and Raptors get lumped together because they’ve both got the air of underachieving squads primed to lose in the first round. If they end up playing each other in the postseason, one of these teams will get a series victory they might not deserve, given the underwhelming play that’s plagued them since the All-Star break.
Washington hasn’t had much going besides John Wall, and Toronto may have already peaked as a group. Who knows with these teams, though. If they do end up playing one another, and the winner returns to their early-season form, they might give Atlanta the test they’ll need before facing LeBron James’ Cavaliers.
Then again, the Bulls might stomp one and the Bucks might upset the other. The NBA playoffs are notorious for their predictability, but the Wiz and Drakes are the kinds of wild-cards that make the postseason interesting.
Dallas Mavericks: The trade Mark Cuban made for Rajon Rondo has backfired…in the regular season. When Playoff Rondo shows up–the guy that went toe-to-toe with LeBron James, that led the Boston Celtics to two Finals and a title against Kobe Bryant, that makes triple-doubles look routine–then we’ll see if trading what little rim protection they had was worth it for Dallas.
Like the Blazers, the Mavs are locked into a seed and don’t know who they’ll face. They also will be given little chance against whomever they do play. If the Mavericks get Dirk Nowitzki going, and they get Playoff Rondo, then all bets are off.
The Roaches Of The NBA
Chicago Bulls: Healthy, this team is right there. They are never healthy, though.
Derrick Rose is back, but his effectiveness will likely be limited, for the rest of his career. Jimmy Butler has recovered from his elbow injury, but he’s played a ton of minutes this season; hopefully, his time off has rejuvenated him. The Bulls will need him.
Pau Gasol and Joakim Noah haven’t always played smoothly when on the court together, and I haven’t seen enough of Taj Gibson playing with Gasol to know if they can be effective together, either. The guy to watch for Chicago is “rookie” Nikola Mirotic. I put rookie in quotes because calling the MVP of the best non-NBA basketball league in the world a rookie is a little weird.
Mirotic is the kind of offensive weapon that Chicago’s sorely lacked in past years, and if he and Gasol, along with Butler, can provide points for themselves and others, Chicago just might get to the Eastern Conference Finals. I know Atlanta isn’t looking forward to playing them; they’re undersized, and if the Bulls get the third seed, the Hawks can avoid that huge Bulls frontcourt, and make Chicago go through Cleveland, and the best player in the world.
The Second Tier
Houston Rockets: The shameless politicking the Rockets are doing for James Harden to win the MVP this season is a sign of how desperate GM Daryl Morey is for any kind of validation for his method of team-building. Sure, Harden has played well enough to win the MVP; the Rockets being where they are is proof enough of that. But the brazen “I deserve this!” from Harden and the even more brazen “He deserves it!” from Morey and his stooges…I mean, look at how the Warriors are conducting their business.
Golden State’s star, Stephen Curry, deserves it just as much as Harden, but Curry and his team are barely acknowledging the MVP race. They have their eye on the true prize. Harden, meanwhile, is portraying himself as a guy that needs it.
True masters of their craft don’t need validation; my father, for example, is a master craftsman. He built a house for his friend with only his teenage son–me–for assistance. When he first moved here with my mother and me, he bought a house for dirt-cheap, and renovated it by his lonesome; by the time we were evicted, the house was worth 12 times its original value, all because of Dad.
Hell, the house I own now has risen dramatically in value because of the hard work my father and I put into it, and the lessons he taught me. Mention all this to Dad, though, and the best you get from him is a grunt.
That’s what separates Curry from Harden, and why I hope Curry wins. If you really are as good as you say you are, and Harden is damn good, why do you need to tell everybody?
Memphis Grizzlies, Los Angeles Clippers, Cleveland Cavaliers: For differing reasons, all three of these teams could win the title, yet there are significant roadblocks they’ll have to overcome.
For Memphis, it’ll be outside shooting and keeping their cool. The reason they lost to the Thunder last year was Zach Randolph, who’d been dominating the OKC frontcourt, getting suspended for Game 7. Beno Udrih had done an amazing job in place of Mike Conley, but he couldn’t get the Grizz over that hump. They need to hit some threes, and hope their defense can finally carry them into the Finals.
For Los Angeles, it’ll be depth and Chris Paul banishing the ghosts. Paul’s heard all about his issues in the playoffs, and he’s getting tired of it; he’s whined, complained, and barked at every kind of official all season long. Those calls he gets will disappear in the playoffs, and the lack of Clipper depth could get exposed against the wrong team. These guys want to avoid the Spurs like the plague.
For Cleveland, it’ll be defense and the lack of playoff experience for their second- and third-best players. Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love have played for terrible teams their whole careers, and given how much the Cavs will depend on them, it’s fair to wonder how the newbies will do when the lights get bright and the scouting reports get so detailed, the opponent will know what side of the urinal you piss on.
Being in the East, I expect Cleveland to do the best out of these three teams, but the Grizzlies and Clippers have been knocking on the door for years now. Seeing either one finally kick that door down would bring glory to two franchises who’ve been doormats since their respective inceptions.
Maestros Of The Hardwood…Champions?
Atlanta Hawks, San Antonio Spurs: The ball movement, the selfless play, and the way these teams play on both ends of the court as one, it’s incredible. The Spurs have done it since I was a teen figuring out how to get laid, but the Hawks, with former Spurs assistant Mike Budenholzer at the helm, have aped the San Antonio Way that has brought so much gold to the home of the Alamo.
Atlanta has cooled off some since their hot start, and San Antonio scuffled before finally getting Kawhi Leonard back healthy, but all that gets thrown out of the window when the playoffs start. The Spurs will bring it, but the Hawks are the real unknown here; how will they do in the playoffs? All of them are playoff veterans, but things look different when you’re the first seed, the team everybody else is gunning for.
If the Hawks meet the Cavaliers, and/or if the Spurs take on the Warriors, those series will make for some of the most entertaining and compelling basketball we’ve had for some time. If Atlanta and San Antonio meet in the Finals, even better. We’ll see if the student is ready to replace the master.
The Favorite
Golden State Warriors: Here, though, is my pick to win the 2015 NBA title. The best offense and the best defense in the league today, anchored by a top-five player in Steph Curry, flanked by Klay Thompson and backed up by Andrew Bogut, Draymond Green, Andre Iguodala, Harrison Barnes, David Lee, Shaun Livingston, and coached by Steve Kerr, who’s seen it all, the Warriors know that this is their time, and the league is their oyster.
Golden State is 37-2 as of Monday morning at home. On a related note, they’ll have home-court throughout the Finals, with the nuttiest fans outside of Portland in the NBA packing Oracle Arena and deafening visiting teams. I can think of only one team that would have a chance against this team, and that’s San Antonio. Even then, the Warriors have the kind of depth and skill to tax even those guys, and Leonard can’t shut down everybody.
If Golden State plays the way they have all season long, they’ll have no problem winning their first championship since Rick Barry was shooting underhanded free throws in 1975. If they retain Green, who’s a restricted free agent after the season, they could be in the title picture for as long as Curry’s able to dribble a basketball. Scary thought.
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